See the games that shamelessly put bouncing bosoms front and center
You wouldn’t think that soft mounds of flesh would provide a stable foundation for anything. And yet, these videogame franchises have built their houses atop just such rollicking hillocks of... oh, forget it. Just watch the video. Fair warning: it might be NSFW, depending on what you consider S in your place of W.
While boobs are often used to cover up a game’s shortcomings, that is not our point here. These series range from terrible to awesome to just plain weird, but all have one powerful thing in common. It is impossible to disentangle them from the cleavage that promotes them. The video wasn’t enough for you? Then read on for screenshots and further discussion.
Soul Calibur series
Please don’t flame the comments about how Soul Calibur wasn’t actually founded on boobs. No, like all things pure and true and good it was forged in the crucible of Japanese arcades as the magnificent, hard-as-balls Soul Edge. Know, gentle reader, that we decided to include Soul Calibur anyway because each successive entry grew chestier until, well, just look at Ivy for chrissakes. No feature about videogame breasts would be complete without her, so Soul Calibur is in.
Dead or Alive series
Like Soul Calibur, Dead or Alive came up through the Japanese arcade circuit, but unlike Soul Calibur, DOA was focused on tit-jiggle from the get-go. While enjoying our homage to Tina Armstrong, note that she dyed her hair blonde in the second game as a ruse to escape from her overbearing father. Bonus round: look closely at the first screen, and you can see Tina punching Tina in the boob. Rad!
DOA Xtreme series
Two words: caption contest
The Dead or Alive volleyball spinoff is unapologetically lewd, as the ever pervy Zack lures DOA’s gorgeous female fighters to his tropical love retreat. This is probably the closest thing America will ever get to the bizarre porn games that flourish in Japan.
Yakyuken Special series
Speaking of bizarre porn games from Japan, we dug up this nugget of gaming weirdness from across the Pacific. It basically boils down to strip rock-paper-scissors with full-motion video and the most irritating soundtrack you will ever hear (think Godzilla stomping on puppies). Believe it or not, the market actually supported several sequels, and it’s even available on PSP.
Tomb Raider series
Lady Croft remains the most recognizable chest in gaming history. Above, a comparison of Lara’s boobs circa 1996 and 2008. What a difference a decade makes: they’ve also smoothed out her bulbous face.
Bloodrayne series
‘Rayne gothed out and tatted up (with Juggy mode activated, natch!)
Fear Effect series
The sexiest lesbian heroines ever to appear on PlayStation
SiN series
Elexis’ sizzling flesh seared many an eyeball in SiN: Episodes – nine were planned, but only one ever shipped
Rumble Roses series
The all-female wrestling franchise actually had decent fight mechanics, not like anyone noticed
Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance series
This snoozy action-RPG series was enlivened by running around with no armor on
Champions of Norrath series
The Everquest console spinoff used sexy to sell the world TWO MORE Diablo clones
Leisure Suit Larry series
Larry’s been a hit with the ladies since most of you were in diapers
Big Mutha Truckers series
Mizz Duke dun got hersef inna bucket a’ syrup this time
Outlaw sports series
Whether the game is volleyball, golf or tennis, you can quadruple your fun with big boobs mode
Of course, we considered many more games for the video that didn’t make the cut for one reason or another. If you love J-imports, pixel-boobies, or are just fascinated by videogame oddities, these are worth checking out.
Darkstalkers series
Darkstalkers is second only to Final Fantasy as an object of Japanophilic cosplaying figurine collector worship. While the character design in immensely cool, some of the fan art is downright disturbing.
Asuka 120% Excellent series
This ridiculously fast and exceedingly difficult Japanese fighting franchise features unnaturally sexualized upper-crust high school girls wailing on each other in the "Club Rivalry Budget Contest Mega Fight." Can you do better?
The Oneechanbara
This one is coming to America soon, but it’s been a staple of Japanese gaming for years. The hook: a stripper and her little sister mass murder a horde of zombies. Win!
The Love series
The Love Upper, which you see in the above video, came out in the UK as Heartbeat Boxing but never saw a US release. The Love series, published by D3 in Japan, has a little something for everyone. If boxing isn’t your cup of tea, try Love Ping Pong, Love Aerobics or Love Mah Jong. These ladies aim to please.
Pixel Art can be fun.
