I'm sorry.  I went on the internet without protection.  I am getting a million errors, and I can tell most of them are fake and trying to trick me into paying for virus protection.  They keep threatening me with things like "sensitive data loss" and "illegal porn" and I can't close these programs.  I'm currently under attack and don't know what to do to stop it.  In fact, I have windows that are open that I can't even move, blocking this window so I can't see what I'm typing.  What free virus protection can I trust?

This one open now is calling itself Micro Antivirus 2009 Security Center, and it says it just detected 230 security threats, including some that will steal all my passwords and have "illegal" porn pop-ups.  So far all the pop-ups have been about fighting viruses, and there has been no porn.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and so far it looks safe and like it's all a fake virus threat to trick me into buying some virus "protection" like this is the fucking mafia.

What should I do?  (This is my first virus ever.  I'm scared.)

Okay, and another weird thing I've noticed is that in my taskbar, it gives me the time, and no date. In fact, it right now reads "01:46:VIRUS ALERT!" I haven't had a virus before, but I have a hunch Windows wouldn't change the date to VIRUS ALERT! like that. Or does it?

Now a window's open that is titled Windows Security Alert, and it's a generic dialog box that reads thus:

Widnows has detected an Internet attack attempt...
Somebody's trying to infect your PC with spyware or harmful
viruses. Run full system scan now to protect your PC from
Internet attacks, hijacking attempts and spyware! Click here
to download spyware remover for total protection.
OK Cancel

I'm gonna try to take a screenshot.

http://www.malwareguard.com/

http://www.pctools.com/antivirus/

Avast

so on and so on.

BTW, those alerts are probably the malware itself.

Okay thanks I'm gonna try both of those in that order.

or dont use internet anymore ?

I went through a bunch of spyware programs before malware guard kicked the internet's ass and got it into line.

on what sites where you surfing?