Wii U Don't Need No Stinking Rockstar
by Johnathan F. Oxford

Did you know that GTAV has probably sold over 20 million copies world wide so far? Great, but wouldn't 20.5 million be better? Numbers don't lie, right?

Well, I suppose they could be twisted, spun in a way the pleases one who might abuse facts. Thankfully, I'm not that sort of person. I'm no doom prophet, so I'm automatically more trustworthy and objective than the vast majority of video game journalists. Heck, even Ouya can make a turnaround with a price cut and a few major exclusives!

Anyway, back to GTA. I have a love/hate relationship with the series, so the option of choosing between three characters with different perspectives about their roles in the game is, well, brilliant. GTAV is a psychopath sim, abusive parent sim, and gangsta sim all in one, truly providing something for gamers of all walks of life.

But what about the children, guys? I don't want my hypothetical eight-year-old son learning words like "nigger" and thinking it's okay to call anyone that. He should be playing Halo 4 online- something a normal, well-rounded American child does.

Now, for even younger children, Nintendo has the 2DS (specifically designed for kids under the age of seven) releasing alongside a Pokemon game, which deals with the much lighter and approachable theme of animal cruelty. Animals aren't people, and Pokemon don't die, and Nintendo games never have potty mouths, therefore every good parent in the world should buy a 2DS and forget about those pig and fruit slaughter sims on mobile devices.

Still, that leaves the Wii U out in the cold in terms of marketshare, so what does it need to succeed? Apparently not Need for Speed. Or COD or Assassain's Creed or Monster Hunter, for that matter. Why would GTA be any different?  It's not like GTAV is bigger and better in any way, right?

So, in conclusion: Wii U don't need no stinking muder sims, Pokemon don't die, and stop calling your little sister a fag, Billy!

Source

Wii U doesn't need GTA to succeed, but it wouldn't hurt having a Rockstar game on the Wii U either. This December will be a huge indicator as to where the Wii U is gonna end up in a few years.

As far as kids playing rated M games, I was maybe 8 or 9 when I played GTA III and I believe I turned out right haven't chopped anyone's head off or shot someone in their faces, thanks to great role models and parents.

well gta is (to me) obviously bigger and badder than any Wii U multiplat. It would help the sales. It & red dead are also (to me) the only multiplats that compares to nintendo's gamecraft. While i believe red dead would be acceptable on a Nintendo, Gta is just not acceptable. Red dead, while historical, falls into the category of fantasy. Gta firmly falls into the category of reality. Nintendo Is the last safe haven for impressionable young minds. I'm not saying gta would make children go murder ppl or anything, I'm saying it's too adult for them. Too bad adults pay the price, but it's us or them.

LOL, I'm sure he'll be learning a lot of new words playing online games...

Pokemon U, that will sell millions of Wii Us.

Very well written! There isn't enough gaming humour that isn't a fat guy yelling at a camera.

GTA 3 and GTA 5 cant be compared.

Seriously they cant. GTA5 crosses so many lines its not even funny.

I feel sorry for anyone convinced that the OP was legit in any way, shape, or form.

If Wii U doesn't get GTA - "Why would I want this console, it doesn't even have big games like GTA??"

If Wii U DOES get GTA - "lol, who would buy that on Wii U when I can get the superior version on PS360?"

Basically, Nintendo will get criticized either way.

Thank you. I'm just happy that somebody got the joke. :D