Your biscuits look a lot like our scones

Are you joking? Well what ever those are please post pics so I may compare!

How come English Muffins are flat and taste like a biscuit?

Biscuit means twice baked, unleavened cakes.  Thus biscuits are well cooked and dry.  Biscuits can be both cookies (sweet) or crackers (savory).  Crisps also can be crackers, but typically are potato chips or tortilla chips.  Finally, chips are potato fries (French, American, steak, etc).  The difference between a chip and a fry is the fact that chips typically are thicker cut potato fries. 

Cookies means small cake.  They're typically leavened, but not always.  While they're typically baked, they don't always have to be baked.

A Jaffe cake is actually a cake.  Think of a shortbread cake but smaller.  They're very soft, with a cake-like consistency.  They're not crisp in any sense of the word like a cookie would be. 

Sourdough biscuits are an American thing.  Our biscuits are bread, not cakes.  Almost pastry like (think croissant).  Biscuits in the UK are also unleavened, where as biscuits in the US use soda to make the bread rise.

Well, I was intrigued about the whole situation.  Those are labeled and sold as English Muffins in USA. 

"Most British supermarkets sell variations on the standard bread muffin, notably cheese, wholemeal and even cinnamon and raisin.[citation needed] Muffins may also be sold with pieces of chocolate, blueberries or other dried fruit.[6] These types of small pastries are in fact cup-cakes and reflect the relatively recent (ca. 1996) adoption of the American sense of the word "muffin" in the United Kingdom.[4] To distinguish them, the traditional type is now labelled "original muffins" in supermarkets while the other types are referred to as "American muffins".[6] Muffins are also available in traditional British tea rooms, served with breakfast or high tea although tea cakes are more commonly found in such places."

"Muffins are commonly available in Australia, Canada, New Zealand and the United States. Outside of the United Kingdom they are commonly called English muffins.[4] They are most often toasted and then topped with butter and/or jam. They are also used in breakfast sandwiches with meat (bacon, ham, or sausage), egg (fried, scrambled, poached or steam-poached) and/or cheese. They are the base ingredient in the traditional American brunch dish Eggs Benedict. " 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_muffin

P.S. I love Eggs Benedict

Muffins

English Muffin

Incorrect.  Those are not crumpets.  Crumpets are "pan cakes" made with yeast.  Those are sliced muffins.  Outside of the UK, this type of muffin is known as an English Muffins.  As opposed to pastry muffins.

The difference between a crumpet and a pan cake is that the former uses baking powder or soda as a leavening agent and crumpets use yeast. 

I think your partner was just trying to save your life.

I like the cake part of Jaffe cakes and I like the cookie part of Jaffe cakes.  It's what's in between those two I don't like.

Have you ever eaten an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's?  If so, did you think that was a crumpet?  Because an Egg McMuffin is made with an English Muffin.