Okay. So some background before I delve into the details. It enhances some of the points I'll be making. First off I used to be a HUGE nerd. I'm not talking like video-gaming, living in mom's basement, star wars/trek collecting uber-geek... I'm talking bookworm, straight A , uncompromising work ethic mega freak who went to enrichment classes for math and science, got invited to a government math program, etc.... You know, the kids you hate because they complain they got a 97 when it should be a 99.
This happened over a span of 3 years. Before this girl I refused to have any types of interests outside of school, some sports and video games. Had a very select and close knit group of friends I'd developed from a very young age.
List of things I've done for a girl
-Neglected school. Once I experienced new feelings and new opportunities I was just never the same with my work ethic (and still am not to this day). Now I struggle to meet school deadlines a lot of the time and my marks have dropped off dramatically without me caring to fix the problem. I want higher marks but I don't see any reason to aim for them anymore because I just don't feel that working towards something so hard is worth it anymore when it could end up in failure.
-Disbanded from my great group of friends.. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for this. I really lost my whole world when I did this.
-Inherit a new group of friends - IE. Her friends. This group of friends merely used me for my smarts and was never around when I actually ever needed anything. I knew I was different and didn't really fit in with them. They didn't make it any easier. Now I don't have any ties to this group of 'friends'.
-Lingered on by her side, always there as a fall back. I stuck around through 4 relationships. FOUR! Call me stupid. I know I was. Call me a lunatic. There really was no other explanation for my actions. I gave it everything I had. And being someone who succeeded in everything I did prior it was difficult for me to accept defeat. I was there through all the highs and lows of these relationships and in between them.And I actually listened and loved listening to her and helping her any way I could. Tech problems, friend problems, relationship problems... Even math problems! I just wanted to be there for her no matter what. My life practically took place around her for multiple years.
-You could say I learned a language for her... I met her in grade 10 German class and got a 97. Being the only brown kid in the class and having the highest mark? I'd say that's mighty impressive 
-Multiple poems and hand made gifts. The gifts included many drawings, birthday cards, Valentine's stuff... A lot of times I put off homework and pulled all-nighters to get this stuff done on time.
-Depression and aftermath. Yep... Lots of sinister thoughts and a year of psychiatry. I knew I had to get out of this mindset and situation.
-Much more that I can't even remember as I don't care to think about the details of what went on in those long years.
At least this entire ordeal made me strangely funny. And now I await the impending doom of this online persona as people think I'm crazy and speak to me with a look of hesitation and nice, soft, slow voice. "Heeeey... Hooow's it goooing? Are you doing well todaaay?"
