Seriously Jizz...? 

Zero. Suit. Samus. FIGURES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I quote... "fap, fap, fap, fap, ... fap." xD 

I doubt either Nintendo or Sakurai himself would allow that, as it is counterintuitive to their philosophy.

What it will do, more likely, is run like the Smash Bros "name" system that they've been pushing since Melee, now yet more portable with the custom movesets we know about, as well as custom control schemes that Brawl had, and can likely store a versus record as well, the difference being that you have to buy a certain figurine to store data for that character (so if you main Marth, Villager, and King Dedede, and want to have portable data for your control scheme and moveset for each, you have to buy all three figurines. Can't put your Villager data on your Marth figurine).

And Rosalina, and likely Palutena...

Good thing i'm broke right now, or i probably would waste money on that crap.

It will be used to store custom movesets

Lolll I guess I can get a Samus figure and Beyonatta figure (if they have one) and get them to make out that way... Fap Fap Fap

I just hope the implementation isn't retarded

They've been hinting at this - customising characters on the 3DS for porting to the Wii U - They're adding NFC functionality to the 3DS... I'll try and dig up the links when I've got more time -

(Edit) - In the SSB Direct, Sakurai mentioned there was more about Smash Bros he was going to reveal at a later date - specifically moveset customisation, and how the 3DS and Wii U games would interact.

As an aside, just looked at Le Figaro -

"En fin d'année, nous aurons aussi deux très gros titres, Super Smash Bros en octobre et les remakes de Pokémon Saphir et Rubis en novembre."

http://www.lefigaro.fr/secteur/high-tech/2014/05/22/01007-20140522ARTFIG00230-mario-kart-8-va-relancer-les-ventes-de-la-wii-u.php

Are they talking about the Wii U or 3DS version, I wonder...

i dont think they will be used as DLC.

I think it will be used as a faster way to choose the parameters of a match.

like this: you choose your character, the skin, the alternative special attacks and save it to your figurine.
and then, when playing online, you can rapidly select your character and confings by just bringing the figurine near to gamepad.

and not only characters, but also stages, game modes and its parameters, allowed items, etc.

This would be awesome, as long as they are under $10...

Hard to say. All the "winter" talk means the game should come no sooner than November, but i doubt Smash Bros 3DS is any later than August.

I think those figurines will act ONLY as skins for characters ( yellow Kirby, Bloody Mario,, Ninja Peach, other crazy stuff). You still can play normal characters and their normal skins, those crazy ones you have to buy.
Same as legaue of legends - you can play every champ, once in a while you can get a skin for free, but usually you have to buy it for $$$, just for aesthetics and show-off. The only difference is you have to buy the game (LoL is technically free, but you end up investing money anyway, because you like it that much).