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bugrimmar on 08 October 2014
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There's no such thing as a perfect review.

1. Humans are imperfect beings. An imperfect being can't create anything perfect in the truest sense of the word. Perfection means absolutely no mistakes. However, the things we make that are called "perfect", such as a "perfect chocolate cake" or a "perfect vacation" are subject to our opinions, biases and background. The reviewer's definition of "perfect" might include flying tennis balls with hair growing out of them but your definition might be tennis balls without hair. There's nothing we can do to reconcile that.

2. If I'm having a bad day, everything's suddenly bad as well. I can't even enjoy my favorite steak right after I step on dog poo. You'll curse the things you liked yesterday if today just sucks. The reviewer may have been rejected by his girl when he tried to initiate sex last night so he gave a good game a poor review.

3. Similarly, if I'm having a good day, everything's suddenly good as well. Even the shittiest food is enjoyable when you're sitting in front of a girl with huge boobs that are ready to pop out of her blouse. The reviewer may have been writing his review right at that moment and he was too distracted to say anything bad about a bad game.

4. Humans are easily influenced by outside forces such as money, fame, sexual favors, violent threats, puppy dog eyes, etc. These things are far more important than that useless abstract notion of "journalistic integrity". Nobody cares about that shit when there's $5,000 in front of me telling me to say something's good. I'd say my mother is the greatest cook in the world because she fed me every day for 25 years, not because she really is.

5. Games are just pieces of entertainment. There are so many genres and you can't really put one scoring system to rule them all. It's ridiculous to even try. It's like using basketball's scoring system in soccer (101 LA Lakers - 3 Real Madrid). All we're doing is trying to encourage sales based on who paid the reviewer or whether he/she likes violence over cuddly teddy bears.

So no, perfect reviews are impossible. Not even close.