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Forums - General Discussion - What are good reasons to live?

Jumpin said:

I'm a fairly bad person to ask, as I'm mostly what some people would refer to as a "fucking asshole" - I'm one of the sorts of parents that gets in a lot of trouble for drinking too much beer and encouraging his kid to fight in hockey games (in my defense, the coach's wife does it too!). but I'll offer my opinion:

I like you a lot as a poster on these forums!

I don't read many people's longer posts, but you're one of the exceptions.

Fact: you help make people's lives here better with your posts. Do we do the same for you? (Not talking about me in particular, but maybe others on the forum).

We love you! (not in a creepy way).

We all struggle, one way or another, everyone in the world has their struggles in life, to one degree or another. If you reach out to people with your struggles, we'll reach back.

Do you like to write? Why not try writing for Medium or one of the other similar sites. It's slow going at first, but after 4-10 months you'll trickle into the hundreds of followers, and then you can even make some cash for posts on it... you can get followers even faster if you do little tricks to beg (but personally, I don't see the point). There's also some creative writing outlets... but DON'T go to Wattpad, unless you want to read/write werewolf erotica and are turned on by descriptions of wet dog stench. There's Kindle Vella as well, which I've been finding some success on, but I'd only do that if you know a professional editor. 

Anyway, I just saw this post, and wanted to let you know that we care about you, even if some of us are dumb (Maybe me?) about how we respond :D
If this online tribe matters, you're a part of it, and we're from all around the world.

Also, I searched for someone who articulates some of what I'm trying to say a lot better than me, and here:

Also there's so much fucking beauty in the world,


I've also heard promising things about certain mushrooms and Ketamine... although, they're currently controlled almost everywhere.

I do like it here! I don't think I fit in too well, but that's okay. You guys are nice and we have things in common. This thread has actually been pretty helpful to me not only in terms of advice, but more essentially just in letting me know that other people would prefer me alive. Simple words of kindness go a long way, and I appreciate yours! (Also, I enjoy reading your posts too.)

There was indeed a time when I thought I was going to be a writer. Turns out I just lacked the discipline. I mean that's a big part of my problem in life in general; not knowing what I'm supposed to do next and then, if I figure something out, dredging up the motivation to actually do that thing. I work 60+ hours a week and am typically pretty exhausted all the time. I enjoy writing, but I guess what I'm saying is that I can only write what I'm motivated to; I can only do so on my terms because otherwise it just becomes another job. Which I guess is the whole idea you're proposing here  but, assuming it even could work out financially for me (like assuming I'm talented enough to make a writing career work out in the first place), I don't think I can handle the transition period between here and writing professionally full-time because it involves writing professionally WHILE maintaining my existing job in addition and that's just too much of a weight on my mind. I'm satisfied to write stuff here.

The thing is that I feel like the solutions to my financial problems are so simple if someone up there would just show me an ounce of mercy and like give me just $2 or $3 an hour more. It doesn't feel like I should have to move mountains just to almost get by. Then again, given some of the shit I've pulled in the past, maybe it's a fate I deserve.

Maybe someday though I'll find a way to become a stronger person and when I manage to pull that off, I'll take your advice and maybe see if I can get somewhere writing for Medium or something. Thanks for believing that I have that potential!

Also, thanks for the videos too. I especially appreciated that perspective from Chris Hadfield. He's right, we are all one people at the end of the day and should cut each other some slack because all of us are struggling. I'm bad at that sometimes. I know I can be prickly and visceral and lose sight of those things we all have in common, among which is none other than suffering.



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zero129 said:

Hmm what can i say. Having been feeling the same way before myself after losing my grandmother who raised me and my real mother who i never really knew before i got to ask her the things i needed to i felt lost. Life at that stage of my life didnt mean much to me at all until i met my partner and had my first child with her. They gave me reason to live. I then noticed it was also the friends i had in my life that kept me going to that point. i still have hard days too, but then i look at all whats around me and know i have to live as the would be so many people who would miss me in real life if i was gone. Id also like to think the is people here on VGC who would miss me if i was gone too (Not sure how many but i can think of a few). I guess the best thing i can say is try to find happiness in something you care about and find people who care about you and lock on to that. Its always going to be a battle in your head but its one you can never give up on. I dont really know what else to say other then keep fighting and never give up.

I hear you. It just seems like I keep losing loved ones to hold onto and help me through life and I'm substituting them for things (things often that help me in my unending efforts to process life, among which are, in fact, video games) and it's not an equal substitution. It does more seem reliable though. What I really need is to keep looking for more people who won't hate my guts. That's why I've taken Ryuu's advice from earlier and started talking to Jetzel again. Maybe at least a trust or a friendship can yet be built. It looks like we're starting down that road, so that's a hopeful sign.



Jaicee said:
zero129 said:

Hmm what can i say. Having been feeling the same way before myself after losing my grandmother who raised me and my real mother who i never really knew before i got to ask her the things i needed to i felt lost. Life at that stage of my life didnt mean much to me at all until i met my partner and had my first child with her. They gave me reason to live. I then noticed it was also the friends i had in my life that kept me going to that point. i still have hard days too, but then i look at all whats around me and know i have to live as the would be so many people who would miss me in real life if i was gone. Id also like to think the is people here on VGC who would miss me if i was gone too (Not sure how many but i can think of a few). I guess the best thing i can say is try to find happiness in something you care about and find people who care about you and lock on to that. Its always going to be a battle in your head but its one you can never give up on. I dont really know what else to say other then keep fighting and never give up.

I hear you. It just seems like I keep losing loved ones to hold onto and help me through life and I'm substituting them for things (things often that help me in my unending efforts to process life, among which are, in fact, video games) and it's not an equal substitution. It does more seem reliable though. What I really need is to keep looking for more people who won't hate my guts. That's why I've taken Ryuu's advice from earlier and started talking to Jetzel again. Maybe at least a trust or a friendship can yet be built. It looks like we're starting down that road, so that's a hopeful sign.

You need to find someone you can trust and talk to, that doesnt give a shit about your bad days and will love and care for you no matter what, after all if someone cant love you at your worst they dont deserve you at your best. Thats what you can call a true friend when you can be a cunt and they are like "Yeah you wont push me away no matter what". Maybe im not explaining what i want to say as good as i could (Drunk atm). But trust me jaicee the is a lot of people here who care for you and im sure you have lots of people in real life too away from vgc who does. Maybe you just need to find that one person you can let your feelings out to and who will stand by you.



Jaicee said:
Ryuu96 said:

-Snip-

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you, but you wrote a lot and there have been multiple topics I've been rotating around lately.

Anyway though, I just wanted to say thanks for your contributions in particular because they honestly have made me feel a little better. I'll be okay. It just takes time and reassurances that my life means something to other people (because it really doesn't mean much to me) for me to get past funks this bad. I'm just tired of being ever so special, you know? I'm tired of being a failure at everything, tired of being hungry, tired of frankly being depressed, tired of my heart beating like I'm on a treadmill when I'm just lying awake in bed at night, tired of not getting enough sleep (tired of being tired, you might say), tired of being lonely and out of things to do that I can afford, tired of PTSD, tired of my therapist being as tired of my lack of progress as I am, tired of watching the cracks in the walls just get bigger and bigger and being unable to do anything about it...I hate being me! I hate being stupid! I hate my dead parents and myself for failing them at the same time! I hate being poor! I hate being gay! I hate living in Texas! I hate always losing my train of thought when I try to talk to people! I hate my brain instinctively rehearsing my mistakes across my whole life and the ways I've hurt other people every day! I hate a God I don't even believe in any more for dominating my entire childhood and guilting, guilting, disapproving, never happy, going to hell, burn, burn, burn the witch forever and ever and ever and ever because one death is not enough for all my sin and evil! I hate even remembering drugs because they remind me of friends I used to have and nightmares and the hospital. I hate life. I need a reason to live. And unfortunately, I can't be Hiku. My lifelong dearth of approval prevents me from being able to just disregard people's opinions of me. That's for people who have some kind of entrenched self-confidence I think. I yearn for that kind of freedom, but can only aspire to it, never realized. I just want to be normal. I would give anything, absolutely anything in the world, to be normal. Couldn't make it through college. Couldn't make it into the army. Can't even make it out of poverty. I'm so special, as measured in the people I've let down.

*breathes*

Okay. I am now purged of that. For now.

Well anyway, you were right about talking to Jetzel (my former girlfriend). She was more gracious than I could have possibly imagined. Just wish I could've spoken things as semi-coherently as I can type them out here where I have some time to think about what I'm saying on most occasions. Well, it was a step. My therapist just gives me the same speech again and again no matter what I say pretty much when I see her, which ain't often anymore for that reason. She's clearly tired of hearing my gripes and inadequacies. I don't blame her. I'm tired of living them. I'd understand if she just gave up on me because I feel like giving up on me. At this point, she's just someone else I'm failing and that's not helpful to my psyche. Jetzel reacts differently to me, naively believing that I'm more capable of changing than I am. Well, it makes me feel a little better at least. Until I let her down again.

I'm going to try to appreciate small joys more. I know I should anyway. I've had to learn that lesson too many times already. It really is the way. Sometimes I just have to remember, and remember to share. Sharing is tough though because there's so much embarrassing about my life that I don't like getting TOO detailed, especially with people I don't really know. But just knowing that somebody's listening is the most important thing.

I'm rambling. I barely know what I'm saying, I'm just trying to say thank you for caring.

There's no need to apologise, I didn't expect a quick reply and would rather you do it in a time that is comfortable to you, I often do write a lot which makes me worried that I'm rambling or getting my points across poorly I'm happy that you're feeling better, even if it may only be a little, at the end of the day progress is progress so you're heading in the right direction, I'm also pretty much always available to chat if you need it and so are other users here, as long as Ioi doesn't randomly shut the site down, we'll be here to reassure you that your life matters.

I'm sorry that you feel all of that, honestly, I can say that I have felt a few of those things in the past, I would like to comment on a few though, I want to say that the fact that you're still here says to me that you aren't a failure, you're fighting and winning against mental health battles which are some of the toughest battles that anyone can ever have, I have been through major surgeries and they aren't nothing on these mental health battles. You also have a job which even if you may not think much of, I think almost every job is important, as is yours, workers in your field deserve a lot more respect, I mean, you guys worked through a frigging pandemic.

Feel bad about not being able to help with your financial situation, I don't have really any advice there other than asking if there's anything nearby that could provide even a little assistance but I don't know enough about America/Texas social assistance...

I'm not going to pretend to understand the hurt you've experienced with being gay, I'm a straight white male living in UK, I can't begin to understand the pain that you've gone through in that, the world definitely still needs to make some progress there but I want to say that I for one, support you, I don't know if that means anything to you but you have my support, I think that the world would be a damn boring place if everyone was the same, I think that when someone proudly expresses who they are that the world becomes a more interesting and beautiful place.

I've liked you as a user on these forums and have not thought of you as stupid for what it's worth. I only really have some confidence issues, some of those things, I've definitely felt in the past, feeling a bit like a failure, losing my train of thought when I talk to people, rehearing all the mistakes across my entire life (but I think we all do a bit of that, especially at night, Lol), I have some big regrets with how I treated some friends when I was younger too.

F*ck God! If he's real or not, I'm sure he won't mind, Lol, I would like to think he has bigger issues to think about, hate can be a pretty strong motivator to prove people wrong though, not all negative emotions have to be bad. Of course, I know how important that venting was for you, I'm not trying to say you're wrong for feeling all of those emotions, I just hope that I can offer a different perspective or support on a few of them which may help you feel better, if you need to vent then do it, let those emotions out and you will feel a little better, as you just did now.

Don't worry about not getting your points across too clearly, I'm sure you did fine, I'm sure Jetzel understands your points well enough and it doesn't have to be a one and done thing, you took the first step and it was a success, you're making progress and that's a good thing.

I do want to comment on your therapist though, if you truly feel that about your therapist and you aren't feeling like you're making progress with them then you should seriously consider (if possible) looking for a different therapist, not every therapist is right for every person, you will need to feel comfortable with them first and foremost but then I also would ask if you truly know that your therapist is tired of you or is that something you're telling yourself to beat yourself up more? It's worth thinking more deeply about I would say and if you feel like you can't get anywhere with them then you should swap IMO, any good therapist would understand, there's not a single therapist who is a key to every lock, it ain't about blame either, would you use a doctor that you didn't feel comfortable with? It is vital for your own sake that you can feel comfortable with your therapist.

Jetzel likely knows a lot about you and can see that you are capable of change cause she knows you, I mean, she was your girlfriend once, I'm sure you know each other well and she sees something in you that you don't see but it doesn't mean it isn't there, you just need help to see it too, don't tell yourself that you will let her down, tell yourself that you're going to prove her right, try to change that negative mindset of shooting yourself in the foot right from the start by telling yourself you're going to fail, I know it's hard but that mindset only hurts your chances.

Glad to hear the end about appreciating the small joys more and yes, sharing is key, it is tough but it is important to heal, I don't really like getting too detailed about my life either but I've never really thought deeply about why that is but we all have embarrassing moments in our past, I browse Reddit quite a lot, I'm sure there's nothing that you can tell me that beats the shit that I've read there But it doesn't have to be us, it can be anyone you trust which is the more important thing.

You ain't rambling! Don't overthink it! I understand you clearly and no problem.

Jaicee said:
Ryuu96 said:

-Snip-

There was a really good video someone made about Catra exemplifying borderline personality disorder.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder with Catra - YouTube

I'd say that's the crux of my connection to her as a character. And she gets to earn forgiveness and acceptance and even love and lives happily ever after. Don't know how life-like that conclusion is, but it's my dream and surely I can at least have that.

some of us have wished for our entire lives that Saturday morning-style cartoons about challenges like these, centering on characters like these, had been around when we were young enough to be target audience and maybe I guess feel like catching up on aspects of what probably should've been normative childhood that we didn't get now that we finally can.

I've heard lots of good things about Doom Patrol too. Will have to put that on my list of shows to check out!

There's no reason that can't be you, I'm betting that for every person like you who hasn't quite got there yet there is another person who has had similar experiences and has achieved that like The Lunarium! I believe in you and it's a dream that everyone deserves. Catra can be an inspiration for you as she has been for others, her experiences (mental health wise) are what others have experienced across the world and I will say she seems like a really well written character after watching that video.

Yup, I definitely see a lot of older audience talking about it, I think why I liked my niece watching it is because I knew this stuff about it, I want her to grow up to be understanding and accepting of these things, stuff like this should be the norm in our society, shows like this are definitely important and a good thing, it shows that progress is at least being made too, little by little, we still have a long way to go but we're moving in the right direction.

Doom Patrol deals with a lot of heavy subjects which I think are dealt with well, for example, one of the leads is gay who grew up in an era where it wasn't really accepted, he also struggles to accept that part of his life, as does his extremely Christian family. Another has DiD due to trauma experienced as a child, then there's others ranging from being a deadbeat dad, to father issues, to wanting to be a 'somebody' to a negative amount, they all have their own journeys of self discovery, dealing with their issues, it has made me laugh my ass off in one scene only to immediately make me tear up in the next, Lol.

Jaicee said:
The_Yoda said:

-Snip-

Thanks so much!!

I've not often been called smart. When you're a career American grocery clerk who comes from redneck country and have a accent and no college dee-gree and your grades used to get you in trouble at home,  people often think of you as dumb (and bigoted) with a commonality that's tough not to internalize some. You might say that I do try and compensate for the way I'm perceived, if only to prove to myself that I do actually have a brain. To that end, I'm more than a little gratified by your compliments!

That said, my research talent mostly consists of having access to Google, a daily email with links to the recent articles most popular with the liberal men who frequent Digg, a habit of still frequenting the Yahoo news page in 2022, lifelong casual viewership of what today is known as the PBS News Hour, and a nerd-level fascination with statistics (hence my VG Chartz membership). I can only hope there's a decently-compensating business that could benefit from such skill.

I'd agree with Yoda although I think I more often agree with you, I think you're smart, you definitely put a lot of effort into your posts which are often well researched, I think you articulate yourself well, a lot better than I do. I think I've told you once that your name was thrown around around as Mod potential in the past, for what it's worth.

Jaicee said:
Jumpin said:

-Snip-

I do like it here! I don't think I fit in too well, but that's okay. You guys are nice and we have things in common. This thread has actually been pretty helpful to me not only in terms of advice, but more essentially just in letting me know that other people would prefer me alive. Simple words of kindness go a long way, and I appreciate yours! (Also, I enjoy reading your posts too.)

There was indeed a time when I thought I was going to be a writer. Turns out I just lacked the discipline. I mean that's a big part of my problem in life in general; not knowing what I'm supposed to do next and then, if I figure something out, dredging up the motivation to actually do that thing. I work 60+ hours a week and am typically pretty exhausted all the time. I enjoy writing, but I guess what I'm saying is that I can only write what I'm motivated to; I can only do so on my terms because otherwise it just becomes another job. Which I guess is the whole idea you're proposing here  but, assuming it even could work out financially for me (like assuming I'm talented enough to make a writing career work out in the first place), I don't think I can handle the transition period between here and writing professionally full-time because it involves writing professionally WHILE maintaining my existing job in addition and that's just too much of a weight on my mind. I'm satisfied to write stuff here.

The thing is that I feel like the solutions to my financial problems are so simple if someone up there would just show me an ounce of mercy and like give me just $2 or $3 an hour more. It doesn't feel like I should have to move mountains just to almost get by. Then again, given some of the shit I've pulled in the past, maybe it's a fate I deserve.

Maybe someday though I'll find a way to become a stronger person and when I manage to pull that off, I'll take your advice and maybe see if I can get somewhere writing for Medium or something. Thanks for believing that I have that potential!

Also, thanks for the videos too. I especially appreciated that perspective from Chris Hadfield. He's right, we are all one people at the end of the day and should cut each other some slack because all of us are struggling. I'm bad at that sometimes. I know I can be prickly and visceral and lose sight of those things we all have in common, among which is none other than suffering.

You fit in fine! A lot who don't end up banned anyway I have often agreed with your posts and sure there's definitely stuff we would disagree on but that's life, I would be surprised if there's anyone who agrees with someone else on absolutely everything in life.

There's also a lot like you who don't really know what is next in life, life is a journey of self-discovery and everyone reaches that stage at different points in their lives, some are earlier than you, some are later than you, I definitely see where you're coming from with your writing stuff and fitting it around your current job but I do think you would likely make a good writer, I think you at least articulate well which helps a lot.

Your financial situation isn't a fate that you deserve and it's sadly a fate that millions of others struggle with too and they don't deserve it either, our world still has a lot of progress to make on that front and I hope things get easier for you in the future.

Last edited by Ryuu96 - on 17 January 2022

zero129 said:

You need to find someone you can trust and talk to, that doesnt give a shit about your bad days and will love and care for you no matter what, after all if someone cant love you at your worst they dont deserve you at your best. Thats what you can call a true friend when you can be a cunt and they are like "Yeah you wont push me away no matter what". Maybe im not explaining what i want to say as good as i could (Drunk atm). But trust me jaicee the is a lot of people here who care for you and im sure you have lots of people in real life too away from vgc who does. Maybe you just need to find that one person you can let your feelings out to and who will stand by you.

Have to admit it made me chuckle when you said you were writing that message drunk.

Well you did a good job of explaining your view of it and you're not wrong: I don't truly have someone like that in my life right now; someone I can open up to fully and without reservations. But I also kinda feel like I shouldn't be too picky at my age and, well, amount of baggage or I'll just keep being as alone as I am right now, if not more so. Think I need to re-learn how to take chances in conversing with people in-person like I used to all the time when I was younger in order to figure out who's going to be accepting of who I am and where I am in life right now.



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Ryuu96 said:

There's no need to apologise, I didn't expect a quick reply and would rather you do it in a time that is comfortable to you, I often do write a lot which makes me worried that I'm rambling or getting my points across poorly I'm happy that you're feeling better, even if it may only be a little, at the end of the day progress is progress so you're heading in the right direction, I'm also pretty much always available to chat if you need it and so are other users here, as long as Ioi doesn't randomly shut the site down, we'll be here to reassure you that your life matters.

I'm sorry that you feel all of that, honestly, I can say that I have felt a few of those things in the past, I would like to comment on a few though, I want to say that the fact that you're still here says to me that you aren't a failure, you're fighting and winning against mental health battles which are some of the toughest battles that anyone can ever have, I have been through major surgeries and they aren't nothing on these mental health battles. You also have a job which even if you may not think much of, I think almost every job is important, as is yours, workers in your field deserve a lot more respect, I mean, you guys worked through a frigging pandemic.

Feel bad about not being able to help with your financial situation, I don't have really any advice there other than asking if there's anything nearby that could provide even a little assistance but I don't know enough about America/Texas social assistance...

I'm not going to pretend to understand the hurt you've experienced with being gay, I'm a straight white male living in UK, I can't begin to understand the pain that you've gone through in that, the world definitely still needs to make some progress there but I want to say that I for one, support you, I don't know if that means anything to you but you have my support, I think that the world would be a damn boring place if everyone was the same, I think that when someone proudly expresses who they are that the world becomes a more interesting and beautiful place.

I've liked you as a user on these forums and have not thought of you as stupid for what it's worth. I only really have some confidence issues, some of those things, I've definitely felt in the past, feeling a bit like a failure, losing my train of thought when I talk to people, rehearing all the mistakes across my entire life (but I think we all do a bit of that, especially at night, Lol), I have some big regrets with how I treated some friends when I was younger too.

F*ck God! If he's real or not, I'm sure he won't mind, Lol, I would like to think he has bigger issues to think about, hate can be a pretty strong motivator to prove people wrong though, not all negative emotions have to be bad. Of course, I know how important that venting was for you, I'm not trying to say you're wrong for feeling all of those emotions, I just hope that I can offer a different perspective or support on a few of them which may help you feel better, if you need to vent then do it, let those emotions out and you will feel a little better, as you just did now.

Don't worry about not getting your points across too clearly, I'm sure you did fine, I'm sure Jetzel understands your points well enough and it doesn't have to be a one and done thing, you took the first step and it was a success, you're making progress and that's a good thing.

I do want to comment on your therapist though, if you truly feel that about your therapist and you aren't feeling like you're making progress with them then you should seriously consider (if possible) looking for a different therapist, not every therapist is right for every person, you will need to feel comfortable with them first and foremost but then I also would ask if you truly know that your therapist is tired of you or is that something you're telling yourself to beat yourself up more? It's worth thinking more deeply about I would say and if you feel like you can't get anywhere with them then you should swap IMO, any good therapist would understand, there's not a single therapist who is a key to every lock, it ain't about blame either, would you use a doctor that you didn't feel comfortable with? It is vital for your own sake that you can feel comfortable with your therapist.

Jetzel likely knows a lot about you and can see that you are capable of change cause she knows you, I mean, she was your girlfriend once, I'm sure you know each other well and she sees something in you that you don't see but it doesn't mean it isn't there, you just need help to see it too, don't tell yourself that you will let her down, tell yourself that you're going to prove her right, try to change that negative mindset of shooting yourself in the foot right from the start by telling yourself you're going to fail, I know it's hard but that mindset only hurts your chances.

Glad to hear the end about appreciating the small joys more and yes, sharing is key, it is tough but it is important to heal, I don't really like getting too detailed about my life either but I've never really thought deeply about why that is but we all have embarrassing moments in our past, I browse Reddit quite a lot, I'm sure there's nothing that you can tell me that beats the shit that I've read there But it doesn't have to be us, it can be anyone you trust which is the more important thing.

You ain't rambling! Don't overthink it! I understand you clearly and no problem.

Jaicee said:

There was a really good video someone made about Catra exemplifying borderline personality disorder.

Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder with Catra - YouTube

I'd say that's the crux of my connection to her as a character. And she gets to earn forgiveness and acceptance and even love and lives happily ever after. Don't know how life-like that conclusion is, but it's my dream and surely I can at least have that.

some of us have wished for our entire lives that Saturday morning-style cartoons about challenges like these, centering on characters like these, had been around when we were young enough to be target audience and maybe I guess feel like catching up on aspects of what probably should've been normative childhood that we didn't get now that we finally can.

I've heard lots of good things about Doom Patrol too. Will have to put that on my list of shows to check out!

There's no reason that can't be you, I'm betting that for every person like you who hasn't quite got there yet there is another person who has had similar experiences and has achieved that like The Lunarium! I believe in you and it's a dream that everyone deserves. Catra can be an inspiration for you as she has been for others, her experiences (mental health wise) are what others have experienced across the world and I will say she seems like a really well written character after watching that video.

Yup, I definitely see a lot of older audience talking about it, I think why I liked my niece watching it is because I knew this stuff about it, I want her to grow up to be understanding and accepting of these things, stuff like this should be the norm in our society, shows like this are definitely important and a good thing, it shows that progress is at least being made too, little by little, we still have a long way to go but we're moving in the right direction.

Doom Patrol deals with a lot of heavy subjects which I think are dealt with well, for example, one of the leads is gay who grew up in an era where it wasn't really accepted, he also struggles to accept that part of his life, as does his extremely Christian family. Another has DiD due to trauma experienced as a child, then there's others ranging from being a deadbeat dad, to father issues, to wanting to be a 'somebody' to a negative amount, they all have their own journeys of self discovery, dealing with their issues, it has made me laugh my ass off in one scene only to immediately make me tear up in the next, Lol.

Jaicee said:

Thanks so much!!

I've not often been called smart. When you're a career American grocery clerk who comes from redneck country and have a accent and no college dee-gree and your grades used to get you in trouble at home,  people often think of you as dumb (and bigoted) with a commonality that's tough not to internalize some. You might say that I do try and compensate for the way I'm perceived, if only to prove to myself that I do actually have a brain. To that end, I'm more than a little gratified by your compliments!

That said, my research talent mostly consists of having access to Google, a daily email with links to the recent articles most popular with the liberal men who frequent Digg, a habit of still frequenting the Yahoo news page in 2022, lifelong casual viewership of what today is known as the PBS News Hour, and a nerd-level fascination with statistics (hence my VG Chartz membership). I can only hope there's a decently-compensating business that could benefit from such skill.

I'd agree with Yoda although I think I more often agree with you, I think you're smart, you definitely put a lot of effort into your posts which are often well researched, I think you articulate yourself well, a lot better than I do. I think I've told you once that your name was thrown around around as Mod potential in the past, for what it's worth.

Jaicee said:

I do like it here! I don't think I fit in too well, but that's okay. You guys are nice and we have things in common. This thread has actually been pretty helpful to me not only in terms of advice, but more essentially just in letting me know that other people would prefer me alive. Simple words of kindness go a long way, and I appreciate yours! (Also, I enjoy reading your posts too.)

There was indeed a time when I thought I was going to be a writer. Turns out I just lacked the discipline. I mean that's a big part of my problem in life in general; not knowing what I'm supposed to do next and then, if I figure something out, dredging up the motivation to actually do that thing. I work 60+ hours a week and am typically pretty exhausted all the time. I enjoy writing, but I guess what I'm saying is that I can only write what I'm motivated to; I can only do so on my terms because otherwise it just becomes another job. Which I guess is the whole idea you're proposing here  but, assuming it even could work out financially for me (like assuming I'm talented enough to make a writing career work out in the first place), I don't think I can handle the transition period between here and writing professionally full-time because it involves writing professionally WHILE maintaining my existing job in addition and that's just too much of a weight on my mind. I'm satisfied to write stuff here.

The thing is that I feel like the solutions to my financial problems are so simple if someone up there would just show me an ounce of mercy and like give me just $2 or $3 an hour more. It doesn't feel like I should have to move mountains just to almost get by. Then again, given some of the shit I've pulled in the past, maybe it's a fate I deserve.

Maybe someday though I'll find a way to become a stronger person and when I manage to pull that off, I'll take your advice and maybe see if I can get somewhere writing for Medium or something. Thanks for believing that I have that potential!

Also, thanks for the videos too. I especially appreciated that perspective from Chris Hadfield. He's right, we are all one people at the end of the day and should cut each other some slack because all of us are struggling. I'm bad at that sometimes. I know I can be prickly and visceral and lose sight of those things we all have in common, among which is none other than suffering.

You fit in fine! A lot who don't end up banned anyway I have often agreed with your posts and sure there's definitely stuff we would disagree on but that's life, I would be surprised if there's anyone who agrees with someone else on absolutely everything in life.

There's also a lot like you who don't really know what is next in life, life is a journey of self-discovery and everyone reaches that stage at different points in their lives, some are earlier than you, some are later than you, I definitely see where you're coming from with your writing stuff and fitting it around your current job but I do think you would likely make a good writer, I think you at least articulate well which helps a lot.

Your financial situation isn't a fate that you deserve and it's sadly a fate that millions of others struggle with too and they don't deserve it either, our world still has a lot of progress to make on that front and I hope things get easier for you in the future.

First off, I just wanted to thank you for all your words of encouragement. I do feel better about things now, and just, ya know, having a listening ear (so to speak) makes a big difference. You're clearly right about so much of this. I'd certainly rather talk more to Jetzel than to my therapist, that's for sure. But I mean I've burned through several therapists already in the course of my life. As you might well imagine, I've been in an out of therapy for the immense majority of my life and honestly I'm just tired of it and it costs a lot of money.

To say that my life has been embarrassing is a gross understatement. I don't mean to be too vague, but it's just not fun talking to male strangers on the internet about stuff like specific sexual experiences you hated that you keep reliving and things you did in the past that caused other people real harm and landed you in jail, things like this. Well okay, we're not total strangers I guess, but you know what I mean. And honestly, that's how I feel IRL too. There's a very high bar of trust required to turn this into a more meaningful and personalized therapy session. Rest assured though that simply knowing someone is listening makes a real difference to me.

As for modding potential, well let me put it this way: I have worked as a mod on another board before. I lasted a week and quit. I don't think I ever once disagree with the consensus view of any modding decision, but I did suggest a fairly harsh penalty for one of our own who broke the rules and it made him cry. I felt lower than dirt after that, apologized profusely, and resigned. If people want, I can bring that same kind of instability to the VGC modding environment too.

And Doom Patrol sounds really interesting and moving! Will definitely have to check it out.

Again, thank you so much for all your kind words here. I'm doing alright now. My knee is starting to get better too.