There's no need to apologise, I didn't expect a quick reply and would rather you do it in a time that is comfortable to you, I often do write a lot which makes me worried that I'm rambling or getting my points across poorly I'm happy that you're feeling better, even if it may only be a little, at the end of the day progress is progress so you're heading in the right direction, I'm also pretty much always available to chat if you need it and so are other users here, as long as Ioi doesn't randomly shut the site down, we'll be here to reassure you that your life matters.
I'm sorry that you feel all of that, honestly, I can say that I have felt a few of those things in the past, I would like to comment on a few though, I want to say that the fact that you're still here says to me that you aren't a failure, you're fighting and winning against mental health battles which are some of the toughest battles that anyone can ever have, I have been through major surgeries and they aren't nothing on these mental health battles. You also have a job which even if you may not think much of, I think almost every job is important, as is yours, workers in your field deserve a lot more respect, I mean, you guys worked through a frigging pandemic.
Feel bad about not being able to help with your financial situation, I don't have really any advice there other than asking if there's anything nearby that could provide even a little assistance but I don't know enough about America/Texas social assistance...
I'm not going to pretend to understand the hurt you've experienced with being gay, I'm a straight white male living in UK, I can't begin to understand the pain that you've gone through in that, the world definitely still needs to make some progress there but I want to say that I for one, support you, I don't know if that means anything to you but you have my support, I think that the world would be a damn boring place if everyone was the same, I think that when someone proudly expresses who they are that the world becomes a more interesting and beautiful place.
I've liked you as a user on these forums and have not thought of you as stupid for what it's worth. I only really have some confidence issues, some of those things, I've definitely felt in the past, feeling a bit like a failure, losing my train of thought when I talk to people, rehearing all the mistakes across my entire life (but I think we all do a bit of that, especially at night, Lol), I have some big regrets with how I treated some friends when I was younger too.
F*ck God! If he's real or not, I'm sure he won't mind, Lol, I would like to think he has bigger issues to think about, hate can be a pretty strong motivator to prove people wrong though, not all negative emotions have to be bad. Of course, I know how important that venting was for you, I'm not trying to say you're wrong for feeling all of those emotions, I just hope that I can offer a different perspective or support on a few of them which may help you feel better, if you need to vent then do it, let those emotions out and you will feel a little better, as you just did now.
Don't worry about not getting your points across too clearly, I'm sure you did fine, I'm sure Jetzel understands your points well enough and it doesn't have to be a one and done thing, you took the first step and it was a success, you're making progress and that's a good thing.
I do want to comment on your therapist though, if you truly feel that about your therapist and you aren't feeling like you're making progress with them then you should seriously consider (if possible) looking for a different therapist, not every therapist is right for every person, you will need to feel comfortable with them first and foremost but then I also would ask if you truly know that your therapist is tired of you or is that something you're telling yourself to beat yourself up more? It's worth thinking more deeply about I would say and if you feel like you can't get anywhere with them then you should swap IMO, any good therapist would understand, there's not a single therapist who is a key to every lock, it ain't about blame either, would you use a doctor that you didn't feel comfortable with? It is vital for your own sake that you can feel comfortable with your therapist.
Jetzel likely knows a lot about you and can see that you are capable of change cause she knows you, I mean, she was your girlfriend once, I'm sure you know each other well and she sees something in you that you don't see but it doesn't mean it isn't there, you just need help to see it too, don't tell yourself that you will let her down, tell yourself that you're going to prove her right, try to change that negative mindset of shooting yourself in the foot right from the start by telling yourself you're going to fail, I know it's hard but that mindset only hurts your chances.
Glad to hear the end about appreciating the small joys more and yes, sharing is key, it is tough but it is important to heal, I don't really like getting too detailed about my life either but I've never really thought deeply about why that is but we all have embarrassing moments in our past, I browse Reddit quite a lot, I'm sure there's nothing that you can tell me that beats the shit that I've read there But it doesn't have to be us, it can be anyone you trust which is the more important thing.
You ain't rambling! Don't overthink it! I understand you clearly and no problem.
There was a really good video someone made about Catra exemplifying borderline personality disorder.
Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder with Catra - YouTube
I'd say that's the crux of my connection to her as a character. And she gets to earn forgiveness and acceptance and even love and lives happily ever after. Don't know how life-like that conclusion is, but it's my dream and surely I can at least have that.
some of us have wished for our entire lives that Saturday morning-style cartoons about challenges like these, centering on characters like these, had been around when we were young enough to be target audience and maybe I guess feel like catching up on aspects of what probably should've been normative childhood that we didn't get now that we finally can.
I've heard lots of good things about Doom Patrol too. Will have to put that on my list of shows to check out!
There's no reason that can't be you, I'm betting that for every person like you who hasn't quite got there yet there is another person who has had similar experiences and has achieved that like The Lunarium! I believe in you and it's a dream that everyone deserves. Catra can be an inspiration for you as she has been for others, her experiences (mental health wise) are what others have experienced across the world and I will say she seems like a really well written character after watching that video.
Yup, I definitely see a lot of older audience talking about it, I think why I liked my niece watching it is because I knew this stuff about it, I want her to grow up to be understanding and accepting of these things, stuff like this should be the norm in our society, shows like this are definitely important and a good thing, it shows that progress is at least being made too, little by little, we still have a long way to go but we're moving in the right direction.
Doom Patrol deals with a lot of heavy subjects which I think are dealt with well, for example, one of the leads is gay who grew up in an era where it wasn't really accepted, he also struggles to accept that part of his life, as does his extremely Christian family. Another has DiD due to trauma experienced as a child, then there's others ranging from being a deadbeat dad, to father issues, to wanting to be a 'somebody' to a negative amount, they all have their own journeys of self discovery, dealing with their issues, it has made me laugh my ass off in one scene only to immediately make me tear up in the next, Lol.
Thanks so much!!
I've not often been called smart. When you're a career American grocery clerk who comes from redneck country and have a accent and no college dee-gree and your grades used to get you in trouble at home, people often think of you as dumb (and bigoted) with a commonality that's tough not to internalize some. You might say that I do try and compensate for the way I'm perceived, if only to prove to myself that I do actually have a brain. To that end, I'm more than a little gratified by your compliments!
That said, my research talent mostly consists of having access to Google, a daily email with links to the recent articles most popular with the liberal men who frequent Digg, a habit of still frequenting the Yahoo news page in 2022, lifelong casual viewership of what today is known as the PBS News Hour, and a nerd-level fascination with statistics (hence my VG Chartz membership). I can only hope there's a decently-compensating business that could benefit from such skill.
I'd agree with Yoda although I think I more often agree with you, I think you're smart, you definitely put a lot of effort into your posts which are often well researched, I think you articulate yourself well, a lot better than I do. I think I've told you once that your name was thrown around around as Mod potential in the past, for what it's worth.
I do like it here! I don't think I fit in too well, but that's okay. You guys are nice and we have things in common. This thread has actually been pretty helpful to me not only in terms of advice, but more essentially just in letting me know that other people would prefer me alive. Simple words of kindness go a long way, and I appreciate yours! (Also, I enjoy reading your posts too.)
There was indeed a time when I thought I was going to be a writer. Turns out I just lacked the discipline. I mean that's a big part of my problem in life in general; not knowing what I'm supposed to do next and then, if I figure something out, dredging up the motivation to actually do that thing. I work 60+ hours a week and am typically pretty exhausted all the time. I enjoy writing, but I guess what I'm saying is that I can only write what I'm motivated to; I can only do so on my terms because otherwise it just becomes another job. Which I guess is the whole idea you're proposing here but, assuming it even could work out financially for me (like assuming I'm talented enough to make a writing career work out in the first place), I don't think I can handle the transition period between here and writing professionally full-time because it involves writing professionally WHILE maintaining my existing job in addition and that's just too much of a weight on my mind. I'm satisfied to write stuff here.
The thing is that I feel like the solutions to my financial problems are so simple if someone up there would just show me an ounce of mercy and like give me just $2 or $3 an hour more. It doesn't feel like I should have to move mountains just to almost get by. Then again, given some of the shit I've pulled in the past, maybe it's a fate I deserve.
Maybe someday though I'll find a way to become a stronger person and when I manage to pull that off, I'll take your advice and maybe see if I can get somewhere writing for Medium or something. Thanks for believing that I have that potential!
Also, thanks for the videos too. I especially appreciated that perspective from Chris Hadfield. He's right, we are all one people at the end of the day and should cut each other some slack because all of us are struggling. I'm bad at that sometimes. I know I can be prickly and visceral and lose sight of those things we all have in common, among which is none other than suffering.
You fit in fine! A lot who don't end up banned anyway I have often agreed with your posts and sure there's definitely stuff we would disagree on but that's life, I would be surprised if there's anyone who agrees with someone else on absolutely everything in life.
There's also a lot like you who don't really know what is next in life, life is a journey of self-discovery and everyone reaches that stage at different points in their lives, some are earlier than you, some are later than you, I definitely see where you're coming from with your writing stuff and fitting it around your current job but I do think you would likely make a good writer, I think you at least articulate well which helps a lot.
Your financial situation isn't a fate that you deserve and it's sadly a fate that millions of others struggle with too and they don't deserve it either, our world still has a lot of progress to make on that front and I hope things get easier for you in the future.