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Forums - General Discussion - What are good reasons to live?

Jaicee said:

Sorry, I'm at an extremely bad place tonight and need help remembering.

I haven't read through the thread yet.  I hope here a few days later things are looking up.  You are obviously an intelligent individual and although I don't always agree with your political conclusions they are much more often than not researched and well stated.  You really should find work that showcases your research talent.  Work is obviously not the end all be all but as long as it isn't work from home it will also cast you into a new pool of people where you will likely find new friendships and through those possibly love.  You are no moron and the world seems to be short of people that aren't morons.   We all have our blind spots but you really are an intelligent individual don't let that go to waste.  Letting talent peculate isn't a sin but throwing it away all together should be.  We love ya Jaicee, I hope your perspective shifts. 



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JuliusHackebeil said:

I believe that there is just nothing when you die. Just like before you were born. That thought terrifies me. So I guess that is reason 1 for me - not to transcend into nothingness.
2) Video games are the most interesting art form of our time and they get more interesting by the minute. I don't want to die before I can play the next God of War. Or see if FFXVI turns out to be the first new mainline FF game since X that I am going to like.
3) I learn japanese. And I am able to understand ever more things said in anime. To have these moments where you are proud that you improved yourself, even if just a little, are really special to me.
4) Perhaps with our intelligence comes responsability - we can understand the plight of others in a way nothing else can - so we feel more compelled to help each other than anything else we know of. To act on this responsability is a true reason for me. It always takes some courage, but a few days ago I helped somebody park his car and I still am glad thinking about it. Did not save the world, did not end wars, but it felt good anyways. Not many things feel better than helping. I guess this is one of the reasons why people like to get children. They can devote themselves to helping them make it in life. The ultimate somebody who needs help - a child. Gives meaning to peoples existance since people were a thing. So I guess my advice is: get a child. And if you can't find any, try helping somebody else.
5) To discover new things - new interests you might develope, like photography, cooking, drawing, playing the trumpet, or going on walks every day to see the world even if it is just a tiny part of it.
6) I do fitness training not to get in shape (did not work too well so far anyways), but because it really geels good. If I power myself out, when I am completely exhausted, there is nothing better than just lying down, closing my eyes and feel good about myself (and not because I won the battle againt my demons this time, but because the act itself, training and resting afterwards, feels so good).
-This would actually be my recommendation: If you are not feeling too well, try to power yourself out, do as many sit ups, push ups, squats, etc. as you can. Don't hurt yourself, but test out your limits. With this you can really feel yourself, feel everything around you and you yourself being at exactly the right place - within all of it. ... Quite subjective how much one gets out of exercise, but that if feels good to exert oneself is universal I suppose.

I'm not sure what this says about me but as I was reading this sentence "So I guess my advice is: get a child. And if you can't find any," a part of me really wanted to read " And if you can't find any, they are really pretty easy to take from a playground" I guess I've been on a bit of a dark humor kick lately...



Ryuu96 said:

No problem, almost everyone at some point in their lives needs a little help, whether that is only a little advice or a reminder of something, I'm sure you will always have users here who are happy to help out when you need it. I think it could be worth reaching out to your former girlfriend, I'm sure she still cares about you and would be happy to lend an ear, even if someone doesn't have solutions to all of your problems, just the act of opening up to someone may help you feel better, as the saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Yeah, it's difficult making friends when we get older, it was a lot easier back in the School/College days, Lol. As an adult, I think it requires a lot more effort on the individuals part to reach out, I only have a small circle of friends IRL and honestly I'm fine with that, quality > quantity, I would rather have ~10 friends that I share a close bond with than a near hundred that I barely talk to so don't worry about the amount of friends but the quality of those friendships.

Don't overthink it too much, a lot of it will happen naturally, maybe you could reach out to work colleagues and try to find something you have in common with them? Go out for drinks, do something you're both interested in, you will likely have to make the first move though but those skills will come back to you with practice, if you had them before then they're just waiting to be 'woken' back up, try having the same confidence in real life as you have here and not every friendship may work out but that's life, not everyone is suited for everyone but I'm sure you will find some, failure is only failure if you don't learn from it too!

Sorry about your physical pain, I can't really relate much to that, I don't have much pain at all on a consistent basis from my disability, I would say though to consult with your doctor before trying anything which could be potentially damaging to your health, you don't want to replace a problem with something worse...But I know you live in America and everything costs money there...Not really sure where you are with insurance and stuff, I would be screwed in America...

I think that you shouldn't put things on a scale, if these "small" things make you happy then that is ultimately all that matters, your happiness is more important than anything else, no matter how small these things are considered by others. Live every day at a time as you know to do, fight the upcoming challenges head on when you get to them and try to remind yourself of the positive things in life. Try not to think about any "challenges" you've made for others either, I'm not sure in your case but often we blame ourselves too much for certain things or how we may have been a burden on others, meanwhile the other person at the end of the day doesn't really care and simply only cares about your wellbeing, unless you know what they're thinking then I would try to put that worry to the side if you can, you've got to get better first.

This feeling will pass, you know what you've got to do I think, I'm sure eventually stuff will come to you, stuff you once enjoyed doing, or enjoy doing now, stuff that you've always wanted to do, etc. Focus on those things, remind yourself of those things, you'll get there! In the meantime, you've always got your VGChartz family! We may not know you IRL but we can still try to help!

Jaicee said:

Yeah, I do things like that to try and help myself in as far as I can. I use Catra avatars a lot because she's a character I relate to a lot and I know how things turned out for her. Of course, that's a cartoon and not real life, but nonetheless it's me trying to remind myself to accept myself and believe that there is hope, and not just for others.

Wish I knew the story but often characters are based on personal experiences or at least speak to others with similar experiences both currently experiencing similar emotional situations or have got through them, Catra may just be a cartoon but to you and others she is a lot more than that so cherish that and use it for inspiration and you're right that you need to do this for you, sure we accept you but ultimately you need to accept yourself and believe there is hope and I think you can get there.

Think my niece actually watched She-Ra once, I'm not sure if she still does but I've seen you talk about it so I thought it was cool as it sounds like a nice wholesome and progressive show.

I think Doom Patrol is a pretty awesome show at handling mental health topics too, I would recommend that you watch that, it's hilarious but also deals with some heavy themes, none of the characters feel they fit into the world but come together in their own weird family, obviously it's just a show but it has a good message at its core to just be yourself and be happy with yourself.

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you, but you wrote a lot and there have been multiple topics I've been rotating around lately.

Anyway though, I just wanted to say thanks for your contributions in particular because they honestly have made me feel a little better. I'll be okay. It just takes time and reassurances that my life means something to other people (because it really doesn't mean much to me) for me to get past funks this bad. I'm just tired of being ever so special, you know? I'm tired of being a failure at everything, tired of being hungry, tired of frankly being depressed, tired of my heart beating like I'm on a treadmill when I'm just lying awake in bed at night, tired of not getting enough sleep (tired of being tired, you might say), tired of being lonely and out of things to do that I can afford, tired of PTSD, tired of my therapist being as tired of my lack of progress as I am, tired of watching the cracks in the walls just get bigger and bigger and being unable to do anything about it...I hate being me! I hate being stupid! I hate my dead parents and myself for failing them at the same time! I hate being poor! I hate being gay! I hate living in Texas! I hate always losing my train of thought when I try to talk to people! I hate my brain instinctively rehearsing my mistakes across my whole life and the ways I've hurt other people every day! I hate a God I don't even believe in any more for dominating my entire childhood and guilting, guilting, disapproving, never happy, going to hell, burn, burn, burn the witch forever and ever and ever and ever because one death is not enough for all my sin and evil! I hate even remembering drugs because they remind me of friends I used to have and nightmares and the hospital. I hate life. I need a reason to live. And unfortunately, I can't be Hiku. My lifelong dearth of approval prevents me from being able to just disregard people's opinions of me. That's for people who have some kind of entrenched self-confidence I think. I yearn for that kind of freedom, but can only aspire to it, never realized. I just want to be normal. I would give anything, absolutely anything in the world, to be normal. Couldn't make it through college. Couldn't make it into the army. Can't even make it out of poverty. I'm so special, as measured in the people I've let down.

*breathes*

Okay. I am now purged of that. For now.

Well anyway, you were right about talking to Jetzel (my former girlfriend). She was more gracious than I could have possibly imagined. Just wish I could've spoken things as semi-coherently as I can type them out here where I have some time to think about what I'm saying on most occasions. Well, it was a step. My therapist just gives me the same speech again and again no matter what I say pretty much when I see her, which ain't often anymore for that reason. She's clearly tired of hearing my gripes and inadequacies. I don't blame her. I'm tired of living them. I'd understand if she just gave up on me because I feel like giving up on me. At this point, she's just someone else I'm failing and that's not helpful to my psyche. Jetzel reacts differently to me, naively believing that I'm more capable of changing than I am. Well, it makes me feel a little better at least. Until I let her down again.

I'm going to try to appreciate small joys more. I know I should anyway. I've had to learn that lesson too many times already. It really is the way. Sometimes I just have to remember, and remember to share. Sharing is tough though because there's so much embarrassing about my life that I don't like getting TOO detailed, especially with people I don't really know. But just knowing that somebody's listening is the most important thing.

I'm rambling. I barely know what I'm saying, I'm just trying to say thank you for caring.

Ryuu96 said:

Jaicee said:

Yeah, I do things like that to try and help myself in as far as I can. I use Catra avatars a lot because she's a character I relate to a lot and I know how things turned out for her. Of course, that's a cartoon and not real life, but nonetheless it's me trying to remind myself to accept myself and believe that there is hope, and not just for others.

Wish I knew the story but often characters are based on personal experiences or at least speak to others with similar experiences both currently experiencing similar emotional situations or have got through them, Catra may just be a cartoon but to you and others she is a lot more than that so cherish that and use it for inspiration and you're right that you need to do this for you, sure we accept you but ultimately you need to accept yourself and believe there is hope and I think you can get there.

Think my niece actually watched She-Ra once, I'm not sure if she still does but I've seen you talk about it so I thought it was cool as it sounds like a nice wholesome and progressive show.

I think Doom Patrol is a pretty awesome show at handling mental health topics too, I would recommend that you watch that, it's hilarious but also deals with some heavy themes, none of the characters feel they fit into the world but come together in their own weird family, obviously it's just a show but it has a good message at its core to just be yourself and be happy with yourself.

There was a really good video someone made about Catra exemplifying borderline personality disorder.

I'd say that's the crux of my connection to her as a character. And she gets to earn forgiveness and acceptance and even love and lives happily ever after. Don't know how life-like that conclusion is, but it's my dream and surely I can at least have that.

Yeah it's intended for like the 8 to 14-year-old market, but like many other programs it's helped more recently inspire (like The Owl House), it's wound up with a mostly older audience in our 20s and 30s (disproportionately non-heterosexual) because, well, some of us have wished for our entire lives that Saturday morning-style cartoons about challenges like these, centering on characters like these, had been around when we were young enough to be target audience and maybe I guess feel like catching up on aspects of what probably should've been normative childhood that we didn't get now that we finally can.

I've heard lots of good things about Doom Patrol too. Will have to put that on my list of shows to check out!



Cobretti2 said:

I won't repeat what others have said as it already is sound advice.

I am not that great with words so hopefully some of this makes sense.

The one thing I did not see mentioned much is self worth. Sometimes you have to be selfish and make yourself feel valuable to yourself first before worrying what others think of you. The old saying you have to love yourself before you can love others.

What I have observed around me is that the COVID pandemic has played a huge part on people feeling the way you are atm. Hence why I think in these challenging times where we are more isolated then ever and disjoined from close family and friends, self worth is more important than ever. Fortunately for me the COVID pandemic hasn't been mentally impactful and that is due to another reason that happened to me earlier in life. In 2012 I hit rock bottom where my back was injured and I could hardly walk and my lower half of my body was tingling all the time. In the end I saw maybe 5 different specialists to try and help me but in the end it was determined that they thought my nerves were pinched and only time may help easy that pain and tingling and get be back to before my injury. I thought this would impact me for live however it took two years for me to feel better and I was isolated from the world living in my small apartment. The experience made me feel worthless and why I was even alive.

However as time went on the one thing that I kept doing through all that was talking to people online with similar interest (i.e. VGChartz). I kept my mind very busy so that I would slowly not dwell on my physical issues and worrying if I was useful to society anymore. I even found a job that could be done from home which kept me even more busy. Then I also found other hobbies to do that keep me busy but more importantly gave me self gratification when I hit my goals in those hobbies. The hobbies helped me enjoy life for me and not worry about how others felt about me and I stopped wondering what is the purpose of living. As long as I found internal happiness it didn't matter if there was some grand plan to my existence. Once my mind was more positive and my physical issues went away eventually I rolled back into society and mingled with real people.

I hear you, and I actually do a lot of that already. Like a lot of the reason I play video games these days is precisely to gain new perspective on life. I have a couple online communities I know I can visit for comfort and safety too. VG Chartz is more of a side journey for me, but I do like it here as well, and you all have been super nice and considerate toward me here on this thread in particular in my hour of greatest need. I just feel like I need to find an in-person kind of space of that nature at this point.



The_Yoda said:
Jaicee said:

Sorry, I'm at an extremely bad place tonight and need help remembering.

I haven't read through the thread yet.  I hope here a few days later things are looking up.  You are obviously an intelligent individual and although I don't always agree with your political conclusions they are much more often than not researched and well stated.  You really should find work that showcases your research talent.  Work is obviously not the end all be all but as long as it isn't work from home it will also cast you into a new pool of people where you will likely find new friendships and through those possibly love.  You are no moron and the world seems to be short of people that aren't morons.   We all have our blind spots but you really are an intelligent individual don't let that go to waste.  Letting talent peculate isn't a sin but throwing it away all together should be.  We love ya Jaicee, I hope your perspective shifts. 

Thanks so much!!

I've not often been called smart. When you're a career American grocery clerk who comes from redneck country and have a accent and no college dee-gree and your grades used to get you in trouble at home,  people often think of you as dumb (and bigoted) with a commonality that's tough not to internalize some. You might say that I do try and compensate for the way I'm perceived, if only to prove to myself that I do actually have a brain. To that end, I'm more than a little gratified by your compliments!

That said, my research talent mostly consists of having access to Google, a daily email with links to the recent articles most popular with the liberal men who frequent Digg, a habit of still frequenting the Yahoo news page in 2022, lifelong casual viewership of what today is known as the PBS News Hour, and a nerd-level fascination with statistics (hence my VG Chartz membership). I can only hope there's a decently-compensating business that could benefit from such skill.



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Ka-pi96 said:

Probably not the answer you're looking for, but in the last 2 years there hasn't really been one.

Family/friends would be a good one, but if you've effectively been forced to spend the last 2 years "isolating" well...

Actually, honest responses are exactly what I'm looking for.

When you add the state of the world, and therefore the weight of the world, onto everything, it just becomes a lot more still.



The_Yoda said:
JuliusHackebeil said:

4) Perhaps with our intelligence comes responsability - we can understand the plight of others in a way nothing else can - so we feel more compelled to help each other than anything else we know of. To act on this responsability is a true reason for me. It always takes some courage, but a few days ago I helped somebody park his car and I still am glad thinking about it. Did not save the world, did not end wars, but it felt good anyways. Not many things feel better than helping. I guess this is one of the reasons why people like to get children. They can devote themselves to helping them make it in life. The ultimate somebody who needs help - a child. Gives meaning to peoples existance since people were a thing. So I guess my advice is: get a child. And if you can't find any, try helping somebody else.

I'm not sure what this says about me but as I was reading this sentence "So I guess my advice is: get a child. And if you can't find any," a part of me really wanted to read " And if you can't find any, they are really pretty easy to take from a playground" I guess I've been on a bit of a dark humor kick lately...

Finaly somebody who gets the essence of what I am trying to say. Just pick one. That is also way faster than making one yourself.



I find that a good reason to live is the potential for tomorrow to be better than today. I feel a lot of advice regarding unhappiness is to look for the good in things, but I don't think we should necessarily shy away from the negative feelings that come with our unhappiness. While there are times when they become overwhelming and it is healthy to take a break, these feelings are our mind's way of asking us to make a change. I don't know your particular situation or the bonds that hold you to where you are right now, but when I am unhappy, I start by identifying where I would like to be in a few years. Then, I ask what actions I need to take to get there.

If your goal is to live on the moon or be a millionaire, then you likely have a problem with creating reasonable expectations for yourself, but if your goal is to live in your own place or find a significant other, or get a different job, there is usually a path to get to that place. To completely ignore the negative feelings asking for change I feel is just as self-destructive as to let them consume you. It roots you to where you are and becomes a barrier, insulating yourself from change.

I wish you well Jaicee. We aren't exactly friends around here, but I hope you can get past whatever is plaguing you.



Hmm what can i say. Having been feeling the same way before myself after losing my grandmother who raised me and my real mother who i never really knew before i got to ask her the things i needed to i felt lost. Life at that stage of my life didnt mean much to me at all until i met my partner and had my first child with her. They gave me reason to live. I then noticed it was also the friends i had in my life that kept me going to that point. i still have hard days too, but then i look at all whats around me and know i have to live as the would be so many people who would miss me in real life if i was gone. Id also like to think the is people here on VGC who would miss me if i was gone too (Not sure how many but i can think of a few). I guess the best thing i can say is try to find happiness in something you care about and find people who care about you and lock on to that. Its always going to be a battle in your head but its one you can never give up on. I dont really know what else to say other then keep fighting and never give up.



Jaicee said:

Sorry, I'm at an extremely bad place tonight and need help remembering.

I'm a fairly bad person to ask, as I'm mostly what some people would refer to as a "fucking asshole" - I'm one of the sorts of parents that gets in a lot of trouble for drinking too much beer and encouraging his kid to fight in hockey games (in my defense, the coach's wife does it too!). but I'll offer my opinion:

I like you a lot as a poster on these forums!

I don't read many people's longer posts, but you're one of the exceptions.

Fact: you help make people's lives here better with your posts. Do we do the same for you? (Not talking about me in particular, but maybe others on the forum).

We love you! (not in a creepy way).

We all struggle, one way or another, everyone in the world has their struggles in life, to one degree or another. If you reach out to people with your struggles, we'll reach back.

Do you like to write? Why not try writing for Medium or one of the other similar sites. It's slow going at first, but after 4-10 months you'll trickle into the hundreds of followers, and then you can even make some cash for posts on it... you can get followers even faster if you do little tricks to beg (but personally, I don't see the point). There's also some creative writing outlets... but DON'T go to Wattpad, unless you want to read/write werewolf erotica and are turned on by descriptions of wet dog stench. There's Kindle Vella as well, which I've been finding some success on, but I'd only do that if you know a professional editor. 

Anyway, I just saw this post, and wanted to let you know that we care about you, even if some of us are dumb (Maybe me?) about how we respond :D
If this online tribe matters, you're a part of it, and we're from all around the world.

Also, I searched for someone who articulates some of what I'm trying to say a lot better than me, and here:

Also there's so much fucking beauty in the world,


I've also heard promising things about certain mushrooms and Ketamine... although, they're currently controlled almost everywhere.



I describe myself as a little dose of toxic masculinity.