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Forums - General Discussion - Online dating, what do you think of it?

 

What do you think about online dating?

I've tried it and like it 11 28.95%
 
I've tried it and don't like it 6 15.79%
 
I've tried it unsuccessfu... 4 10.53%
 
I've never tried, and I t... 3 7.89%
 
I've never tried, but think I will 5 13.16%
 
other (please explain) 7 18.42%
 
See results 2 5.26%
 
Total:38

I'm going to talk about this from the perspective of a straight male.  That's what I am, and I think that's what most of this site's user base is.  But, if you're a female, or have a different sexual orientation, I think if you just substitute the gender that appeals to you, nearly everything I say here will apply to you too. 

IMO, online dating is super easy to do these days if you can open your horizons to different types of women, and don't mind being passed over by 99% of them.  The beauty of online dating is that there are thousands of women in just about any area.  So, even if only 1/10% will go on a date with you, that still equals plenty of chicks.  I met my wife on PoF, and I had a ton of fun dating before I met her.  My sister met her husband on Match, and a bunch of other people I know have had great experiences as well. 

The whole key is to contact large numbers of people, rather than to focus on a few that really appeal to you.  I have some friends that have taken the latter approach (as that's more like the traditional method of finding a partner), and most have been disappointed.  That method leads to feelings of rejection, and few people can push through feeling rejected over and over again.   But, if you take the shotgun approach (indicate interest and/or send messages to every person that is the least bit interesting to you), I think its pretty hard not to have success.  This will likely take you out of your comfort zone though.  Which is probably a good thing in its own right.  

So, what are your thoughts on online dating?  



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I've never tried it myself, and to be honest I don't know if it's something I'll ever try, I don't like the idea of specifically looking out to get a girlfriend, I think the goal should be to befriend people first, then eventually work towards that if there is clearly something more there than that.



VGPolyglot said:
I've never tried it myself, and to be honest I don't know if it's something I'll ever try, I don't like the idea of specifically looking out to get a girlfriend, I think the goal should be to befriend people first, then eventually work towards that if there is clearly something more there than that.

That sounds nice in theory, but it rarely works that way.  

I'm 37, so I've lived most of my life meeting people in the traditional, real-world way.  I started online dating when I was 30, and continued for about 2 years.  In both cases, the "friends first" thing nearly always leads to "friends only".  We've all heard of the friend zone.  And, unfortunately, its all too real.  The relationship develops as a friendship and gets stuck there.



Not something that I'd ever try. Just seems weird to me.



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VAMatt said:
VGPolyglot said:
I've never tried it myself, and to be honest I don't know if it's something I'll ever try, I don't like the idea of specifically looking out to get a girlfriend, I think the goal should be to befriend people first, then eventually work towards that if there is clearly something more there than that.

That sounds nice in theory, but it rarely works that way.  

I'm 37, so I've lived most of my life meeting people in the traditional, real-world way.  I started online dating when I was 30, and continued for about 2 years.  In both cases, the "friends first" thing nearly always leads to "friends only".  We've all heard of the friend zone.  And, unfortunately, its all too real.  The relationship develops as a friendship and gets stuck there.

Well, if it doesn't work that way, it's fine with me really, I've been single my whole life, so it's not like I can't handle it.



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If your prime matching partner sits at home on their computer just as much as you, there isn't really any other way to seriously look for a mate. So I cannot really understand why anyone would look down on people for it.

That said, I tried it some time ago but I never really did anything with it on the account of being too shy. I may do it again some day. I know I will certainly not find my soul mate in some bar or on the street.



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vivster said:

...I tried it some time ago but I never really did anything with it on the account of being too shy. I may do it again some day. I know I will certainly not find my soul mate in some bar or on the street.

Being shy is certainly a difficult factor to compensate for.  But, I think it is easier to deal with in the online dating world than the "real world".  It is a less intimidating forum for initial conversations, at least.  You do still have to get yourself to meet a stranger somewhere though, which I know can be tough.  It was tough for me at first, and I'm not super shy (I'm probably about average in that regard).  It got a whole lot easier after I did it a few times though.  In fact, the whole dating thing got a lot easier after I did a fair amount of it.  That's another reason why I advocate for online dating, and meeting as many people as you can.  Like anything else, dating takes practice.  The more you do it, the more comfortable you'll be with it.  And, the more comfortable you are, the more success you're likely to have.  



Been trying it for multiple years on and off. I go extreme with messaging people first for a few months straight every day and get discouraged over time when I don't hear anything back. Then give it up for a few months before feeling extremely lonely again and work myself up to trying again.

Really 1% wanting to date me seems high. My rate is currently less than 0.1%. A thousand messages in with no luck.

Having said that, I don't think the problem is online dating as much as it is me. *shrugs*



I am really considering trying it. My luck with cold approach has currently made 0 results. My luck with asking out acquaintances, friends, classmates in a college with plenty of single people has made 0 results. One would think if you had the balls to embarrass yourself and ask out people in the open, that it be a positive character trait. But not in my experience. I think you might be right to just ask 1000s of them, and if multiple replies, possibly even going for multiple dates in a week.

Of course I haven't done that yet because I have no money, because its either 50/50 or 100% of the bill.



I found my wife that way, so pretty successful for me. Funny thing though that it wasn't on a traditional dating site (tagged) and that neither of us at first was interested into a relationship with one another, but that quickly changed