I'm wondering if any of you have dealt with autism in some way that was close to home. Personally I found it easy to ignore when it was happening to other people's lives. I'd see kid's with major challenges and go on with my life never knowing that it was autism related. I'd shy from the issue and distance myself as much as possible.
I had a son a few years back and it was an insane amount of work. I thought this was just normal for course and that I was just failing as a parent. I devoted so much of myself to find some balance while putting in a backbreaking amount of effort and pretty much losing my own ability to know joy in the process.
When he turned two it became painfully obvious (to only myself) that he was autistic. I've dealt with this reality for two years since and it's been hard. He is four now and he's never spoken a word to me or shown care for my feelings.. I've taught him how to count and type on the keyboard. He shows promise and I know he's very smart. But it's just so hard to get through to him. I always wanted to have children so I could teach them life's complexities and kick the ball back and forth.
The hardest part of all is the uncertainty. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I used to have dreams I believed in. I've lost all pride and security. His mother is with him 100%. I feel like running far away. But yet I stay. I've always stayed. It takes a lot of mental energy to constantly force yourself to do things while telling yourself "I can't.. I can't".
I'm deciding now if I am going to move out or not. His mom is very attractive but can be a total psychopathic narcissist. I walk a thin line in this house where I'm snapped at if I say the wrong thing. And I'm a very sensitive person! She got medieval on me when I first struggled to make her aware of his issues. And she still stomps a mud hole in me anytime I place her or our child as the source of my unhappiness. Everything I say has to be carefully worded like I'm a "red headed step child" if you know what I mean.
We've been broken up for two years. Since then I've been fortunate to work at R* tech support and Big N tech support. I fell in love with a girl but we are currently on "relationship holiday" because she's divorcing and I'm trying to move out of my ex's house (My dad owns it but she runs it). The thing is I have security issues. I can't be happy unless I feel like there is plenty of money to secure the things I need and want. I get completely depressed when I feel poor, like nothing makes me happy.
I've been like eeyore from winnie the pooh ever since I had a child.
Editing the stuff about dating.. it was too off topic and is no longer relevant to my situation.Last edited by snyps - on 27 December 2017