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Forums - General Discussion - Autism, this is how it's affected me. Has it affected you?

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering if any of you have dealt with autism in some way that was close to home. Personally I found it easy to ignore when it was happening to other people's lives. I'd see kid's with major challenges and go on with my life never knowing that it was autism related. I'd shy from the issue and distance myself as much as possible.

I had a son a few years back and it was an insane amount of work. I thought this was just normal for course and that I was just failing as a parent. I devoted so much of myself to find some balance while putting in a backbreaking amount of effort and pretty much losing my own ability to know joy in the process.

When he turned two it became painfully obvious (to only myself) that he was autistic. I've dealt with this reality for two years since and it's been hard. He is four now and he's never spoken a word to me or shown care for my feelings.. I've taught him how to count and type on the keyboard. He shows promise and I know he's very smart. But it's just so hard to get through to him. I always wanted to have children so I could teach them life's complexities and kick the ball back and forth. 

The hardest part of all is the uncertainty. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I used to have dreams I believed in. I've lost all pride and security. His mother is with him 100%. I feel like running far away. But yet I stay. I've always stayed. It takes a lot of mental energy to constantly force yourself to do things while telling yourself "I can't.. I can't".

I'm deciding now if I am going to move out or not. His mom is very attractive but can be a total psychopathic narcissist. I walk a thin line in this house where I'm snapped at if I say the wrong thing. And I'm a very sensitive person! She got medieval on me when I first struggled to make her aware of his issues. And she still stomps a mud hole in me anytime I place her or our child as the source of my unhappiness. Everything I say has to be carefully worded like I'm a "red headed step child" if you know what I mean.

We've been broken up for two years. Since then I've been fortunate to work at R* tech support and Big N tech support. I fell in love with a girl but we are currently on "relationship holiday" because she's divorcing and I'm trying to move out of my ex's house (My dad owns it but she runs it). The thing is I have security issues. I can't be happy unless I feel like there is plenty of money to secure the things I need and want. I get completely depressed when I feel poor, like nothing makes me happy. 

I've been like eeyore from winnie the pooh ever since I had a child.


Editing the stuff about dating.. it was too off topic and is no longer relevant to my situation.

Last edited by snyps - on 27 December 2017

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I can't hope to understand how hard it must be to be in your position, but really, you shouldn't be thinking about which girl is the coolest to go out with and make children with when you already have a kid you should be taking care of, despite how tough it may be.

Still, if you are going to ask a girl out, go for the first one of course. You say she cares about you and you love her, so that's what you should be following, not an accomplished woman just for the sake of money - because I'm pretty sure you will hang on despite whatever financial situation you might come into.

Not sure if I ever met someone with autism. I think think I have seen a few kids though in Supermarketas.

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Closest was i actually got stuck in a social class with them, they were mid to high functioning i forget the name but they talked but would easily get aggressive and lash out. Not easy to get through to also. Was brutal hated every day of it.

As far as the other things, for one stop putting your happiness dependant on the other person. You will always be miserable that way. There is no perfect ideal, don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

Stop both attempts at relationships until you figure your own shit out, figure out how to be happy alone and with out security. Man the F up and take on life, really what's the worst that can happen, a small apartment crappy old car.

DO NOT start anything with a roommate.

From the title of the thread, I assumed it was going to be about something else, but it seemed to turn into a post about dating. Now, the "eagerness to breed" sounds very strange to me, almost as if you're mainly looking for a breed machine. It also sounds like you really shouldn't be thinking of having another child if you're getting overwhelmed with just one as it is.

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First take responsability of the family you have even if it has fallen apart, then figure out the rest. And take your time. Going into a new relation isn't something easy so reacting quickly and only based on your immediate feelings could have negative repercussions.

I have friends who have autism. Problem is autism ranges in a broad spectrum, so everyone is affected differently. One of these friends' mother hammered social ettiquette into her. Even though she finds it hard to show empathy and intuitively react in social situations, she has had these mannerisms codified out of repetition by her mother and it allows her to seemingly act normal is most social situations. And she's a good person in her heart, so that helps as well. Understanding how autism affects someone is a big deal in learning how to cope and react to it.

My 4 year old son was recently diagnosed with autism. It was hard to hear at first- as im sure it would be for any parent- but im glad he's finally going to get the help that he needs.

His mother left in May of last year. Long story short- she had addiction issues. We tried to work it out- but in the end she decided not to come back. We were together for 15 years.

I understand your wanting to find companionship. It's so damn tough raising a kid by yourself- let alone one with a disability. The struggle, the loneliness. I get it.

It was tough for me to start dating again afterwards- I had to focus on taking care of him, but at the same time still deal with his mother who was still making bad decisions and acts very sporadic and never sticks to a schedule- which made it impossible to make plans.

So I focused on him. That's the most important thing. I made sure that he was always happy and taken care of. Thats at least one thing I think I got right. You can't get this kid down - he's always happy and I make sure to protect him from the chaos that surrounds him. I also make sure to spend the time with him to focus on his development skills and make them fun activities so that he enjoys them- which he does.

As far as relationships go- I tried online dating for a while- it was the only way I could meet people since I couldn't really get out of the house much. That was hit or miss for the most part- but I always made sure he was top priority first and foremost.

Recently I started dating someone that volunteers at special olympics with me. She is kind, snd beautiful and has my same sense of humor. Shes also big into chatity work like me. We had known eachother for years. We are madly in love and I feel like I have my life back together after being in the dark for so Long.

With him, he's such a smart little dude that even the evaluators said that he was high functioning and may just need a little extra counseling, but there shouldn't be anything preventing him from having a normal life.

I hope you find your hapiness too- but make sure your child is taken care of first. That's the most important thing. Stay positive and I'm sure it will all work out.

Uhh... well first off dunno if my story will relate to the title due to how the story in your OP almost has nothing to do with autism.

As for me, I deal with autistic people on a daily basis as it is my line of work. However my initial encounter with it was with my little sister who has it and a traumatic brain injury so ever since she was born I helped take care of her with my mother because my dad didn't believe in autism and then left when she became too difficult.

I used the experience to start my journey in the medical field. I used it to land a job as a DSP (Direct Support Professional), a caregiver for the mentally and physically disabled. In my field you find that after a certain point (around when someone with autism or similar and/or worse issues turn about 25-30) they're given to facilities to be taken care of because of a variety of reasons but to boil it down: It's just difficult taking care of people with certain disabilities.

I take care of those people. It's sad though because more often then not, they're put in the facilities or homes and their families never see them again. And because of the high turnover rate (we get paid shit and it's a hyper stressful job) it can be extremely difficult for the special needs people because DSP's are the only family they have left. So when one of us leaves it can be emotionally challenging for them. There's one person with mid-level autism I work with, he gets really upset when people leave and will ask where they are months after a co-worker has quit.

But yeah, my responsiblities are mostly just taking care of them. I have to treat each a very different way though because they really are all different and require unique care taking in order to ensure they stay happy and healthy. Besides that, that is most of my experience with autism. The job is super demanding though so it's super hard to destress after work. Also, I volunteered to tutor special needs children, which included many with autism, for 2 years

Well... i think you made some mistakes. If you cared so much about security, and i can understand that, you should not have had a child.

The child did not ask to be born, you made it. As such, he is in this world because of you. He is innocent and has had no fault in how he was born. He is your responsibility, he is part of you. For me, it's difficult to read the things you say about him, but i guess you are you and i don't know you.

Like, my advice is for you to think about security for you and your son. The fact that you are seing different people at the same time is so bogus to me.

Tell you what, love is a chemical reaction that slowly fades away. What you want is companionship and the situation that will shield you from the fear.

Will read later but my 9yr old boy has Autism. Its a daily challenge and sometimes its very hard not to lose my temper with a young man who cant always help his behavior.