I've been reading that site, it's so awesome!


From the site:

(A teen approaches my cash register very slowly.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Gimme all the f***ing medicine!”

(Teen pulls out an airsoft pistol with orange tip still glued to the front.)

Me: “The pharmacy is in the back of the store.”

Customer: “Oh…okay.”

(He holsters the air-soft gun in his belt and darts down the aisles to the back of the store. My manager comes out of the back room because of the commotion.)

Manager: “Who was that?”

Me: “Some kid looking for drugs. He went back to the pharmacy.”

Manager: “Why didn’t you call the police?”

(The teen runs screaming from the back of the store out of the front door followed closely by the pharmacy technician, a 35 year old boxer built like a fridge.)

Me: “Doug started working today.”

LOL... oh there are better ones than that. Keep reading.

I'm at page 8 on that site!

Some other super funny ones:


Me: “That will be 17.50, please.”

Customer: “Are you a Christian, dear?”

Me: “Why do you ask?”

Customer: “Are you?”

Me: “Well, no. Why do you want to know?”

Customer: “Oh. I would like to be helped by someone else, please.”

Manager: “Good morning ma’am, I hear you’ve been having a problem with the clerk?”

Customer: “Oh, she didn’t make any trouble, it’s just that I don’t want my money to be handled by someone not of the faith. You should be careful, she’ll probably nick from the till when you’re not looking.”

Manager: “You’re right, ma’am, I shall definitely have to reprimand her.”

Me: *surprised* “What for?”

Manager: “For failing to notice that the lady was not planning on paying for the three Mars bars and the map of Europe she must have put in her bag while you were fetching me.”

(The customer freezes for a second, then looks at her bag.)

Customer: “Good heavens! I must’ve been so distracted I didn’t even notice the devil putting them there!”

And another one:


(Note: I’m a female customer sitting in a pub. I’m approached by another male customer while I read a book.)

Male customer: “Hello, my name is ***.”

Me: “That’s nice.”

Male customer: “So can I have your number?”

Me: “Oh. Actually, I’m gay.”

Male customer: “You want to have sex with women?”

Me: “Well, not right now. Right now, I just want to read my book.”

Male customer: “That’s bulls***! If you’re a lesbian then you want to have sex with women!”

Me: “Honestly, I just want to read my book.”

Male customer: “You’re lying to me, that’s very rude! I’m going to complain!”

Male customer, to a waitress: “That girl over there is being really rude. I want you to do something, it’s disturbing my day. She just lied to me and told me that she was a lesbian, and now she’s mocking me.”

Waitress: “What am I supposed to do about that? Make her straight?”

Male customer: “Just do something about it!”

Waitress, to me: “Hello, there.”

Me: “Hello. I’m sorry about him.”

Waitress: “Oh, it’s no problem! So, can I have your number?”

Male customer: *looks horrified*

Me: “Er, yeah, sure. Here.”

(I write my number on a napkin and she takes it, still smiling.)

Waitress, to male customer: “See? She’s a lesbian.”

Male customer: “That’s not what I wanted you to do! I didn’t want you to ask her out, I wanted you to make her leave! I demand to speak to your manager!”

Waitress: “Oh, he’s just popped out. I can get his boyfriend for you though if you want?”

Male customer: *storms out cursing*

(It turned out that the waitress was kidding about her manager, but she wasn’t kidding about asking me out!)

Honoring The Memory Of Purchases Gone By
Retail | Ontario, Canada
(It was the end of my shift, and an elderly woman comes over with two lampshades. They ring in at $3.50, and she pays and takes her bag.)

Customer: “Can I return these if they don’t fit my lamps?”

Me: “Of course. Just hold on to your receipt.”

Customer: “What if I lose them?”

Me: “We can give you store credit.”

Customer: “Oh no, that won’t do…”

Me: “Well…just hold onto your receipt.”

Customer: “…can I have 5 receipts? I’ll put one in my wallet, one in my purse, one in my fridge, one in my underwear drawer, and one with my husband’s ashes.”

Me: “…”

(The woman leaves with her 5 receipts.)

Co-worker: “That was a really important $3.50.”

Okay, this is the last one. I promise!

(My dad is a plumber. One day while trying to fix a clog, he found a whole bunch of condoms.)

Dad: “I found the cause of your clog. Next time, just throw away your condoms. They don’t dissolve, so it’s bad for the toilet.”

Customer: “But my wife and I don’t use condoms…”

(There’s an awkward silence as the customer mulls over what he’s just said.)

Customer: “I think I’ll be having a talk with my wife now.”



Another one:

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”

(I hand him the cigarettes.)

Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.

Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”

Me: “Ok. Do you want ’smoking harms those around you,’ or ’smoking causes testicular cancer?’”

Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”

Most of the story ones just seem a little unbelievable to me.

I think silly situations like that may have happened before (I've had my stupid customer/user moments in Geek Squad/IT), I just think they're highly embellished for teh intarnetz.

some sound like the customer just being funny. Like the cigarette ones co3 posted. Some sound to be pranks... but trust me... working at gas stations you get a lot of morons of the sort. I've had my fair share of stupid moments with customers... the part of the story these people are forgetting sometimes is when the consumer like snaps out of it and realizes where they made the mistake and is like "Oh yeah i don't know what I was thinking you're right"

Oh, and I beleieve almost all the ones concerning technology... especially when they involve women... there are a LOT of stupid people when it comes to machinary of any kind.

oo oo we doing stories?

When I was working at the tobacco counter at Sainsbury's...

Small girl (under ten years old): Er, hello, do you have cigarettes?

Me: (Standing in front of wall filled with cigarettes) Er yes, we do sell cigarettes.

Small girl: May I buy some? (looking clueless) Er, can I get five, er, Marl- bo-bor-borolo. Five marlboro reds please

Me: You can't get packs of five.

Small girl: Ok what do you have packs of five of.

Me: You can cigars in packs of five.

Small girl: Can I have five cigars then please.

Surprisingly I didn't serve her, I have dozens though, I'll have to rememeber them.

LOL!

While working at speedway.

Lady comes to the counter with a 20oz coke bottle. I scan it.

"NO! Don't scan it!"

"Um.. I'm sorry... why not"

"I don't want you to poison the drink"

"Ma'am I assure you it won't contaminate the drink"

"No don't scan it..."

"Sorry I'll cancel this and push in the UPC"

"Thank you"

"No problem"

...notice I already scanned it...

Same lady... weeks/months later

"Do you know what this is?"

Hands me a silver package and I read the label

"Oh yeah! These are pretty cool. There is something inside that you break and it mixes with something else which cause the pouch to swell up and burst"

"No... It's chemical warfare from Iraq!"

"Um.. excuse me..."

"The terrorist tried to poison me with anthrax. Anthrax is in them and the Iraqis threw them at me"

"Ma'am this is not dangerous or poisonous in anyway... it's a toy"

"Would you call the cops for me I want to report the terrorists"

"Um... no..."

Same lady weeks/months later

Walks up to the counter

"Did you feel that"

"I'm sorry... feel what"

"Your light's"

"Excuse me... I don't feel anything"

"They are zapping my brain"

"Riiiiiight"

Different lady

"Can I get one of those scratch off"

"Sure here you go"

"I don't want this one"

"Which one do you want"

"That one"

points to the same lottery ticket just the next one in the roll

"It's the same ticket and they are numbered for inventory. I can't just go out of order or else they will think people are stealing. You can buy both if you'd like"

"You bent this one. They wont accept it if its bent"

"Who? I assure you if you bring it back to us if its a winner we will cash it. Even if it doesn't scan we can manually type in the numbers"

"No. I want the next one"

"Sorry can't do that.."

She walks away. very next day comes in

"Can I have that lottery ticket"

points to the very same one she refused the day before.

"Certainly"

She buys and leaves