So, blizzard is giving away beta keys to winners of starcraft themed comic strip submissions.

I need some constructive criticism of one I did today. Please no trolling, I need serious posts only.

Suggestions:

Add ghost heavy breathing

change wayyyy to way~~ or waaay or just way.

Fix the spelling mistake "on" to "one"

Possibly add another square in between the last two where nobody is talkign and the ghost is just breathing.

Updated with new dialogue and format.

Here's one I just finished

Here's another one, and no, I'm not too proud to resort to fart jokes.

You spelled "one" wrong in the bubble:

"Here comes on of those ghosts I was tellin' you about."

thanks rol, I can always count on you for some helpful critiquing.

should I have another square in between the two last panels where nobody says anything?

thanks roy, just saw that.

EDIT: Also, should I have the first line the ghost says moved under the other text bubbles?

Well, the things that the ghost is saying are all quotes from SC1. If you didn't play it, you probably wouldn't get it.

But lemme know what you think they should say. I think it should appeal more to a wider audience than just bliz fans. Should I end it with the guy saying "it makes perfect sense"?

hmm, are you saying that I'm not making it known that nobody likes ghosts?

lol, cmon man ur the only one helping.

needs funnier jokes, give the the exterminator a catch phrase that sounds really stupid but funny

give me an example of that. I'm not sure what you mean.

Here are his quotes from SC1:
"Ghost reporting."
"I'm here."
"Finally!"
"Call the shot."

Action:
"I hear that."
"I'm gone."
"Never know what hit them."
"I'm all over it."

Pissed:
"You called down the thunder..."
"Now reap the whirlwind."
"Keep it up! I dare yah."
"I'm about to overload my aggression inhibitors."

It made me smirk, nothin' laugh out loud yet. But here's a few things I would personally change.

Change Wayyyy into Way, or find another way to extend the syllable. I personally would use Way~~ or something like that.

Add breathing noises to the ghost. In the first game I've always found it funny how all ghosts had darth vadar syndrome or something. You could turn that into a Darth Vadar wanna-be joke. But that would change the fundamentals of the comic.

Anyway, hope it helps.

hmmm good pointer NSX. I will put in some breathing noises. What kinds of noises should he be emanating?