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starcraft comic, need helpful critique

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So, blizzard is giving away beta keys to winners of starcraft themed comic strip submissions.

I need some constructive criticism of one I did today. Please no trolling, I need serious posts only.

 

Suggestions:

Add ghost heavy breathing

change wayyyy to way~~ or waaay or just way.

Fix the spelling mistake "on" to "one"

Possibly add another square in between the last two where nobody is talkign and the ghost is just breathing.

 

 

Updated with new dialogue and format.

 

Here's one I just finished

Here's another one, and no, I'm not too proud to resort to fart jokes.

 

 



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You spelled "one" wrong in the bubble:

"Here comes on of those ghosts I was tellin' you about."







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A comic strip should be funny. Or I just don't get it.



Legend11 correctly predicted that GTA IV (360+PS3) would outsell SSBB. I was wrong.

A Biased Review Reloaded / Open Your Eyes / Switch Gamers Club

thanks rol, I can always count on you for some helpful critiquing.



should I have another square in between the two last panels where nobody says anything?

thanks roy, just saw that.

EDIT: Also, should I have the first line the ghost says moved under the other text bubbles?



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theprof00 said:
thanks rol, I can always count on you for some helpful critiquing.

No problem. By focusing on shiny graphics you forgot about the fundamentals of a comic strip: fun. Don't worry, this happens to the best.



Legend11 correctly predicted that GTA IV (360+PS3) would outsell SSBB. I was wrong.

A Biased Review Reloaded / Open Your Eyes / Switch Gamers Club

Well, the things that the ghost is saying are all quotes from SC1. If you didn't play it, you probably wouldn't get it.

But lemme know what you think they should say. I think it should appeal more to a wider audience than just bliz fans. Should I end it with the guy saying "it makes perfect sense"?



theprof00 said:
Well, the things that the ghost is saying are all quotes from SC1. If you didn't play it, you probably wouldn't get it.

But lemme know what you think they should say. I think it should appeal more to a wider audience than just bliz fans. Should I end it with the guy saying "it makes perfect sense"?

So Starcraft Ghost was cancelled because they were going to use quotes from Starcraft? That's not funny at all.

I don't know what they should say. This is a lost cause in my eyes.



Legend11 correctly predicted that GTA IV (360+PS3) would outsell SSBB. I was wrong.

A Biased Review Reloaded / Open Your Eyes / Switch Gamers Club

hmm, are you saying that I'm not making it known that nobody likes ghosts?

lol, cmon man ur the only one helping.



needs funnier jokes, give the the exterminator a catch phrase that sounds really stupid but funny



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