donathos said:
GoOnKid said:
Yes there is discrimination, nobody denies that...
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Oh, I don't know. I see a few responses that are effective denials, either that there is any discrimination, or that it is actually a problem. Most of them, actually...
GoOnKid said:
...but many posters have definitely tried their best to help the OP and gave him the best advice possible: stop whining and gain self-confidence instead.
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The "best advice possible" is probably to consult some professional, or a trusted loved one, or etc.; not to seek life advice on a video game sales forum from strangers. But if we are going to discuss these things, then part of what you describe as "whining," I would say is trying to come to terms with a real situation.
Well, OP himself decided to post this in a video game forum thread, and the community reacts by answering in that same channel, therefore I see no wrong in how we answered him. Also, don't want to be agressive but I can't find your post where you gave your own personal best advice to OP and ask him to consult some professional. Maybe you've sent him a PM, I don't know. If you think it was the best advice, why not post it publicly?
If a black person came to you and said that they experience discrimination in the housing market on the basis of the color of their skin, I don't imagine your response would be, "stop whining and rent somewhere else instead." Or maybe it would be? I don't know you. But that wouldn't be my response. It may be the case that renting somewhere else instead might be the best thing to do -- or maybe it would be to lodge some legal complaint, or etc., I don't know. Yet acknowledging the fact of the discrimination and the unfairness of it, I think, is not fairly characterized as "whining." And moreover I suspect it is psychologically necessary in order to effectively deal with the situation.
I think these are both problems of discrimination, yes, but they are still too different from one another. Of course discrimination exists, saying otherwise is a lie. The term 'whining' may indeed be too generealized, I admit, but what I meant by that is that you can complain about discrimination all day long and nothing will change. Only you can make the change yourself. It is hard and brutal, but if you want it to change, you will have to start somewhere.
The OP is a bit dramatic, it is true, but look at it again: "Lets face the facts, unattractive men are NOT popular. [...] Its starts off in pre-school, where popular boys shun unattractive boys and form the early pecking order [...] come puberty, it becomes more apparent and the shunning gets worse as your identity develops. [...] Attractive people make friends way easier, are usually popular, etc. [...] Making friends is more hard. [...]"
A lot of this is true, or could at least be a true description of an individual's particular experience. You think it's helpful to respond, "stop whining" or to dismiss those concerns? I'd say, rather, that it's first important to acknowledge what's true -- and that it sucks -- and then to work on ways to improve the situation.
I've been bullied myself too when I was in school because I was short, very skinny and ultra clumsy back then. There had been people who constantly made fun of me and that dragged me down. I know this shit. But still, I think it definitely wasn't as bad as OP describes, so I definitely see the problem here and I think OP needs help to make him feel better. And this is why I said he should stop complaining and rather work on something instead. Many posters in this thread alos can clearly see the problem and therefore responded with advices they think work best. We are one step ahead of just acknowledging the problem, we are already working on solutions. I already saw the problem and I want to help him as much as I can, but I am a, you named it, random stranger on a video game forum, so my aid is limited. I can only encourage him to get the strength to fight back against his problems. And I say this because I believe that it is worth it, even though it's hard and brutal and unfair.
To look at this from a slightly different perspective? My six-year-old daughter has cerebral palsy. It will make many aspects of life much, much harder for her than other people (as it already has and does). She will have to make great efforts to do many things that most other people take for granted, and the attitude I'd like to cultivate in her (to the extent that I can) is one of resilience and persistence. She must have a "never say die" approach to life, or else she is utterly screwed.
But. There are going to be times when she feels frustrated by her difficulties and by the unfairness of her situation, as already sometimes happens. When her friends have time to play, for instance, but she has to go instead to physical therapy, or occupational therapy, or speech therapy, or so forth, she might say, "it's not fair" or "this sucks," and she's right. It's not fair. It does suck. She still needs to do the best possible thing for herself (which here probably means going to therapy); she cannot wallow in misery. But I would be doing her no favors if I dismissed her feelings, told her to "stop whining," or acted as though she doesn't really have any disadvantages.
I am sorry for your daughter, this sounds very severe, I wish both of you all the best. I have no idea how I would handle a situation like that, but I am sure it takes so much strength and patience. Godd luck to you.
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