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Have you ever cheated on a partner, and if so, why?

Forums - NSFW Discussion - Have you ever cheated on a partner, and if so, why?

Jumpin said:
Aye!

And my story is going to sound kind of horrible, but note I'm being honest, and this was nearly two decades ago, and I am now a very monogamous man with a very happy marriage and kids (do you know how fucking rare that is?!?!).

Once back in University. Basically, she was a religious sort of girl, very nice... and I am quite the opposite sort of guy - irreligious, and generally a casual dater.

My ex-girlfriend - I met few years before I started dating her, she was in one of my classes, and we had a very flirty sort of friendship. I didn't know she was religious at the time.I was also in a relationship at the time. Anyway, we fell out of touch, and years later I met with her again, and this time I was single, I asked her out, and we clicked. Anyway, she was super shy about sex, and sex is very important to me in any romantic relationship. She was saving herself for marriage, we fooled around in other ways... but in time we began seeing each other less and less - it went from every day to every 3 or 4 days. Being religious, and from a religious family, her parents still kind of controlled her life, she lived with them, and was "not allowed out" past certain times despite being a woman in her twenties.

Then my birthday party hit, and she went home early. Of course, being one of my parties, it went very late. Long story short; at some point after she left the party due to it getting a bit late; I was a bit miffed about that! Then at some point people began taking off their clothes randomly, I think some dude took off his shirt, and then shortly after someone took of their pants, and it spread like a California wildfire! The party became a bit of an exhibitionist scene... everyone naked or in their underwear. People began making out and doing other sexual things, and I ended up in bed with two younger women in their first or second year of university; both quite fit, both dolled up, both horny. One a blonde, the other dyed pink hair. I'll note that these two weren't random girls either, I had known them through parties and going out for a while now, so it wasn't completely random. To be fair, both of them were cheating too; and they were also both dating kind of shy-non-party type guys from their classes and were in (probably) equally as unsatisfying relationships.

In the end, the reason is that the relationship was on its way out, I knew it, and I had a fairly fantastic opportunity. I will say I was self-inflicted morally hurt when I sobered up, I'm not a total cunt!

I don't say this is a particularly bad move on your part. If you knew your relationship was over, and you had an opportunity to do something that is generally pretty hard to come across, I'd say you were right to take it.  

Now, if you continued dating that other girl, and repeated the same behavior again shortly after the first time, I'd say that's pretty shity. But, if the extent of it is contained in your comment, you shouldn't feel too bad about that.  On the moral failures scale, I rank it somewhere around stealing $5 from your mom's purse when you were a kid..  



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No because you need have a relationship for that to happen, which noone here has.
And if they tell you otherwise they are lying acumbags



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No. And, I have to say, I would rather die alone than have the sort of "open relationship" that some people are describing...



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Kalkano said:
No. And, I have to say, I would rather die alone than have the sort of "open relationship" that some people are describing...

I wish i was less of a sensitive idiot but a close emotional connection is a must for me and that doesn't always fit with an open relationship,i also do not fall in love with ease and without the love i do not even have a desire to be sexual which might be atypical or rare.



I'm the opposite personally; I don't require a strong emotional connection to have/enjoy sex, and frankly sex appeals much more to me than a romantic attachment. In most cases, I'd choose a one night stand over a permanent monogamous relationship.

Last edited by curl-6 - on 14 December 2018

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There's a lot of ground between "open relationship" and "must be in love to have sex".  



curl-6 said:

I'm the opposite personally; I don't require a strong emotional connection to have/enjoy sex, and frankly sex appeals much more to me than a romantic attachment. In most cases, I'd choose a one night stand over a permanent monogamous relationship.

I do not feel even feel slightly interested to have sex without a connection ,i feel like typing cliché's atm but love is a must :p

I also feel like its maybe more feminine to think about sex this way?



Immersiveunreality said:
curl-6 said:

I'm the opposite personally; I don't require a strong emotional connection to have/enjoy sex, and frankly sex appeals much more to me than a romantic attachment. In most cases, I'd choose a one night stand over a permanent monogamous relationship.

I do not feel even feel slightly interested to have sex without a connection ,i feel like typing cliché's atm but love is a must :p

I also feel like its maybe more feminine to think about sex this way?

Yeah it does seem that in general women place a higher priority on emotional intimacy and men on physical intimacy, though naturally there will be both men and women out there who don't fit this archetype.



Kalkano said:
No. And, I have to say, I would rather die alone than have the sort of "open relationship" that some people are describing...

Personally, I find to have a lot of open/casual/non-exclusive relationships are the best way to get to figure out who you are as a person in the relationship world. It's a good way to make sure you don't settle for someone who is not going to be a good match in the long term. A lot of people do settle because they think they already know what is right for them, and that is why there are all these divorces.

Aside from being able to meet a lot more women, casual relationships are generally more fun than sifting through exclusive relationship after exclusive relationship; and I think they generally make people more fun. Most people are much more likely to want to go out on a simple date, go out for drink, or hook up for a night, knowing that they won't have to be saddled with the political baggage of a relationship. Often you'll meet one proper, you don't need to really explain why you aren't calling the other women back, they can see your facebook status... and in my experience, it's good to have an exclusive relationship here and there to really understand why you fucking hate these things =D

Part of dating casually means you're casting a wider net. Anyway, I am going to split my life experience into 3 Jumpin A, B, and C. Give 1. my mindset, and 2. my experience. Jumpin A childhood until about 17-18. Jumpin B is 18-mid twenties. Jumpin C is late twenties, maybe early 30s - it doesn't matter! People are different and mature at different rates.

Jumpin A:
1. He knew EXACTLY which girl was going to be perfect for him.
2. He pursued that girl, and eventually got with her, but discovered that he was miserable and afraid of losing her ALL THE TIME. This girl would change over the years, and Jumpin A felt that maybe Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, and in the war of the sexes (note Jumpin B and C think Jumpin A was retarded). Jumpin A, never happy with his relationship status.

Jumpin B:
1. Realized he didn't have a clue what sort of woman was perfect for him if any such thing existed? Also realized women were the same species as him and both men and women were from planet earth, and no such sex wars existed beyond the minds of idiots (like he used to be... well he was still an idiot, just in different ways).
2. Jumpin B dated a lot of women, and sometimes found one he thought was great for him, but he really didn't know - trying a relationship was the best way to find out, right? Well, those relationships always peaked by the three-month mark, and usually quite a bit earlier. But at least he wasn't under any delusions that he actually knew if a "perfect girl" existed.

Jumpin C:

1. Liked dating, and actually knew a lot more if he liked a woman on a romantic level or not. But most of all he liked having fun, and had no interests in relationships to mess that up for him.
2. He would date LOTS of women casually. There was no drama, he didn't let it happen. He cast a wide net, sometimes hitting on over a dozen women in a night. And if he met one, it wouldn't stop him from hitting on women again the next night he went out. He also had a very good idea on what women NOT to hit on, so as not to cause any kind of turmoil. He was very good at finding women he dated that he actually liked, and rarely dated women he didn't like. Many of these women remain friends with him to this day because he didn't come off as a player of any sort - and he wasn't. Despite the commitment to not getting in a relationship, in less than a year Jumpin C met his wife, he knew right away that he liked her quite a bit - and these weren't just feelings of convenience, but genuine. So they began a relationship, and soon decided to marry. While others of his friends married and had kids too, the kids seemed to be a very strong stress on their relationships, many of Jumpin C's friends had their marriages end... but Jumpin C and his wife were strong together and genuinely cared for one another, and it was probably a lot easier for them to raise kids.

 

Now I am NOT saying that getting married and having kids should be your goal - what I am saying is that you'll be guaranteed to be in a better position to figure out when/if you're actually ready for this sort of thing, and who the best person to do it with is if you have experience. To really know yourself in the relationshipverse, experience and diversity are your best friends. Don't play games, be yourself, but just make yourself interesting - when I say be yourself, I don't mean to sit down and play video games all day and wait for people to come to you, because that's not really who you are, that's over-indulging in a hobby; I mean get out there and figure yourself out - at the beginning the more you think you have no idea about yourself or what sort of people are good to have relationships with, the better.

Did I make sense? I'm seriously high right now, so I am not sure if I have been coherent =D

Last edited by Jumpin - on 15 December 2018

I describe myself as a little dose of toxic masculinity.

I've cheated and have been cheated on as well. Not recently though, mind you.

Eh, the flesh is weak I guess. Forgive and forget.