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Forums - General Discussion - I'm completely and utterly alone, ask me anything! <(^_^<)

Lonely_Dolphin on 21 August 2018
Landale_Star said:
Have you ever considered that you might be better off alone? If you keep failing then perhaps you'd be happier if you readjusted what you want in life. In time you might realise that you were chasing the wrong thing all along.

I say this because for years and years, I was focused on my problems, on why I was lonely, why I couldn't meet people, why I could never seem to do anything but fail. I used to get desperate and do stupid things to either try to change my situation or to try making myself feel better, i.e. finding whoever would tolerate me and drinking my money away. I was very sure I desired friends and a partner. But I eventually decided to try taking advice seriously, I started to make changes, to make friends, I went speed dating, got a girlfriend, broke up, tried again and did it again. All of this was really hard for me but I tried because it really seemed important to the future of my life. This opened my eyes to what was really wrong. I was chasing what I thought was going to be happiness but, guess what, it was shit. I fucking hated it, drained the life out of me. For years I thought I was unhappy because I was lonely or some bad shit happened in my past or that I just wasn't cut out for achieving what I wanted. Boy was I wrong, I had completely the wrong goals, I realised that I am totally better off alone, I'm happier that way. I don't have any friends, I suppose there is my brother that I see once a week so there is a total of 1 person I have regular contact with outside of work. But I'm not unhappy, I'm not bitter or hateful, I'm happy and content. I don't dislike the rest of my family, I care for them quite a bit, but things between us work better if we have some distance and only meet on occasion. I'll probably never settle down with a partner either and honestly I'm really happy with that, I never could stand being close to someone for very long. It's comforting and reassuring to feel like I only have to contend with myself for the rest of my life lol, makes planning for the future much easier.

Things really got better for me when I realised that I was fixated on the wrong things all along, I now have more confidence, I'm happier and I worry a lot less. In fact even though I just said I'm alone most of the time, I never, ever, feel lonely. I used to, it really used to be something I felt regularly but now I haven't felt that way for years. Of course, I still have problems, health and money being two of them but at least I feel good about myself and my general life. I have time to do what I want, to focus on my interests. It's funny because back then I was worried about finding people to be friends with, doing everything wrong and pushing people away unintentionally but now I find that because I'm more relaxed and better at getting on casually with people that I've had to actually avoid well meaning offers of friendship from decent people because I've realised that is a true path to misery for me. Solitude used to be stressful and painful for me but now I know better and it is bliss. Friends and close relationships aren't for everyone, with the vast number of people out there there have to be a number who just shouldn't view them as desirable. It's just my opinion but I tend to think that people who consistently fail are usually trying the wrong things and that can be the case for us friendless folk too. I had fooled myself into misery and made my life harder, it still amazes me how I did that.

Now there's a good chance you're not exactly like me, but I do wonder if what you want isn't actually right for you. Whatever it is, you seem to be defeating yourself and refusing to change, that is pretty pathetic and since I used to do it all the time I can confirm that it'll get you nowhere.
I have but there's no doubt that being alone is not what I want to be. Not sure how to change what I want, telling myself I want to be alone would only be a lie. The only sort of adjustment I've made is that I don't want to be friends with just anyone, only those who actually fit the definition of friend. That resulted in me giving up all the friends I had but as said before I don't regret it. Would rather have no friends then bad ones. It's good that you managed to find out what you really wanted though, my envy is real!

As for your last sentence, ha, tell me something I don't know! That's why I don't ask for help, because I can't be helped and will only frustrate those trying to help as seen multiple times in this thread already.

 

OhNoYouDont said:

Not all of the animals that reside in shelters go to nice families. There are no-kill shelters, and that's great but not all of them are that way due to funding / overpopulation, etc. If you rescue a dog from a shelter, you prevent the shelter from having to euthanize it. So even if you're a shitty owner, at least it had an opportunity to live.

It's easy to fall out of contact with people but trust me if you reach out to an old friend, they'll be smiling for days. It's one of the best things that can happen, especially if they also felt bad about not contacting you in a while. It's super easy for life to interfere with friendships, you really do have to put forth effort to keep them going strong.

Yeah I don't know man, it's definitely strange not to need social interaction. I generally get all I need from coworkers at work on the 3-4 days I actually go into the office. The only times I find myself reaching out are holidays because I feel as though those ought be spent with others. Still, as great as it is I have to work pretty hard to maintain friendships due to it being far easier to stay in and reject invitations. It's not that I don't enjoy socializing with friends, it's just exhausting and I can find enjoyment in alone time as well.

I would say that if anybody's sole reason for continuing to live is contingent upon another human that their mental state is poor. As I said, having people in your life that provide enjoyment can enhance your life but should not be the reason for living. Be a reason for living, sure I understand that fully, but not the only reason.
That's all true, but what I said still remains. Though I'll be honest, I don't care what happens to the animals at the shelter. I can't save them so there's no use in me worrying about it.

Sorry but I don't trust you to know my old friends better than I do. Life didn't interfere, I dropped them because they were terrible friends. Naturally I have no interest in contacting them.

What's so bad about that being your only reason to live? There are certainly lesser reasons, like mine being video games. That may be pitifully pathetic, but it's why I'm still alive and sane all the same.

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OhNoYouDont on 21 August 2018
Lonely_Dolphin said: 
OhNoYouDont said:

Not all of the animals that reside in shelters go to nice families. There are no-kill shelters, and that's great but not all of them are that way due to funding / overpopulation, etc. If you rescue a dog from a shelter, you prevent the shelter from having to euthanize it. So even if you're a shitty owner, at least it had an opportunity to live.

It's easy to fall out of contact with people but trust me if you reach out to an old friend, they'll be smiling for days. It's one of the best things that can happen, especially if they also felt bad about not contacting you in a while. It's super easy for life to interfere with friendships, you really do have to put forth effort to keep them going strong.

Yeah I don't know man, it's definitely strange not to need social interaction. I generally get all I need from coworkers at work on the 3-4 days I actually go into the office. The only times I find myself reaching out are holidays because I feel as though those ought be spent with others. Still, as great as it is I have to work pretty hard to maintain friendships due to it being far easier to stay in and reject invitations. It's not that I don't enjoy socializing with friends, it's just exhausting and I can find enjoyment in alone time as well.

I would say that if anybody's sole reason for continuing to live is contingent upon another human that their mental state is poor. As I said, having people in your life that provide enjoyment can enhance your life but should not be the reason for living. Be a reason for living, sure I understand that fully, but not the only reason.
That's all true, but what I said still remains. Though I'll be honest, I don't care what happens to the animals at the shelter. I can't save them so there's no use in me worrying about it.

Sorry but I don't trust you to know my old friends better than I do. Life didn't interfere, I dropped them because they were terrible friends. Naturally I have no interest in contacting them.

What's so bad about that being your only reason to live? There are certainly lesser reasons, like mine being video games. That may be pitifully pathetic, but it's why I'm still alive and sane all the same.

Well you can save them if you want a companion. If not, that's fine too.

I'm sure you've had good friendships that have merely died, otherwise that would be quite sad indeed. I think it goes without saying to contact the good ones, the people you actually want in your life.

If video games bring fulfillment to you, that's wonderful. 

It sounds like you're a bit stagnant and as a result are open to reflect on your situation and have noticed this loneliness. I would recommend a new job, a move to a new residence (even city?), or engage in some new hobbies that have a social component since you seem to crave that and are unable to satiate it at the moment.



Lonely_Dolphin on 23 August 2018
OhNoYouDont said:
Lonely_Dolphin said:  That's all true, but what I said still remains. Though I'll be honest, I don't care what happens to the animals at the shelter. I can't save them so there's no use in me worrying about it.

Sorry but I don't trust you to know my old friends better than I do. Life didn't interfere, I dropped them because they were terrible friends. Naturally I have no interest in contacting them.

What's so bad about that being your only reason to live? There are certainly lesser reasons, like mine being video games. That may be pitifully pathetic, but it's why I'm still alive and sane all the same.

Well you can save them if you want a companion. If not, that's fine too.

I'm sure you've had good friendships that have merely died, otherwise that would be quite sad indeed. I think it goes without saying to contact the good ones, the people you actually want in your life.

If video games bring fulfillment to you, that's wonderful. 

It sounds like you're a bit stagnant and as a result are open to reflect on your situation and have noticed this loneliness. I would recommend a new job, a move to a new residence (even city?), or engage in some new hobbies that have a social component since you seem to crave that and are unable to satiate it at the moment.
By them I meant every single one. I guess saving one would be better than none, but again no interest in that as I'm a heartless dastard.

I suppose there were friends from my elementary school days that I lost touch with due to moving, but I barely remember them let alone their contact info. Even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm a completely different person now than I was then, same is certainly true of my old friends, so we'd see each other as complete strangers.

You didn't explain why friends/family shouldn't be your reason to live, infact I'm even more curious now since you believe video games are a "wonderful" reason lel.

I've known all that before making this thread and have had multiple responses telling me similarly, but as always it's easier said than done. There are issues both physically and emotionally that prevent me from simply doing these things as mentioned before, and I know it's all on me to power through them. I'll say it again, this isn't a thread asking for help, please don't waste your time trying.