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Cheating in relationships

Forums - General Discussion - Cheating in relationships

PSintend0 said:
Rab said:

All you are doing is passing on the guilt and hurt onto someone your supposed to love so you feel a bit better, it's a selfish act, what they dont know wont hurt them, leave them in peace  

But he will know it and it will in either case affect their relationship. Also it can hurt a lot more if she founds about it from someone else. If she says that she wouldn´t want to know if he cheated on her or something like that, then it would be okay, but otherwise I would assume that she would want to know.

Living in a lie doesn´t sound that nice :/

We all live a lie (look at our individual belief systems), we all lie to ourselves and others everyday (Psychologists have established this for a long time), why pass on the hurt because it makes us feel better, damn selfish if you ask me  



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Rab said:
VGPolyglot said:

Is that the kind of relationship you want though, one where you can't honest and upfront about things?

All you are doing is passing on the guilt and hurt onto someone your supposed to love so you feel a bit better, it's a selfish act, what they dont know wont hurt them, leave them in peace  

It's selfish to damage people's perception of you in order to be honest to your significant other?



As someone who has been on the receiving end of cheating in the past, and knowing exactly how it feels (even moreso with my mental instability), I can say, with 100% accuracy, that I would never cheat on my girlfriend. If for some reason I ever felt the desire to sleep with someone other than her, I'd either punch myself in the crotch area until I become infertile and can't spread on that sort of stupidity to future generations, or I'd break up with her.



VGPolyglot said:
Rab said:

All you are doing is passing on the guilt and hurt onto someone your supposed to love so you feel a bit better, it's a selfish act, what they dont know wont hurt them, leave them in peace  

It's selfish to damage people's perception of you in order to be honest to your significant other?

Seriously try being totally honest to everyone you care about and see how far that takes you

Humans long ago developed lying as a way to improve our social cohesion, it's biology  

 



Rab said:
VGPolyglot said:

It's selfish to damage people's perception of you in order to be honest to your significant other?

Seriously try being totally honest to everyone you care about and see how far that takes you

Humans long ago developed lying as a way to improve our social cohesion, it's biology  

 

Now you just shifted the topic, I asked how being honest was selfish now you're seemingly trying to make it about something else.



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VGPolyglot said:
Rab said:

Seriously try being totally honest to everyone you care about and see how far that takes you

Humans long ago developed lying as a way to improve our social cohesion, it's biology  

 

Now you just shifted the topic, I asked how being honest was selfish now you're seemingly trying to make it about something else.

It's totally related

As I have already explained alleviating your guilt by confessing is putting the burden squarely on your loved one's shoulders who now has to deal with this terrible news, it's a selfish act to alleviate your own guilty conscience , leave your loved one in peacefully ignorance and spare them the suffering, and learn to carry your own guilt, sparing others the pain 

Last edited by Rab - on 16 March 2018

Rab said:
VGPolyglot said:

Now you just shifted the topic, I asked how being honest was selfish now you're seemingly trying to make it about something else.

It's totally related

As I have already explained alleviating your guilt by confessing is putting the burden squarely on your loved one's shoulders who now has to deal with this terrible news, it's a selfish act to alleviate your own guilty conscience , leave your loved one in peacefully ignorance and spare them the suffering, and learn to carry your own guilt, sparing others pain 

But that's ignoring the possibility that they find out via other means.



This sounds like that C grade movie that come out recently with the rich psycho girl lol



 

 

adisababa said:

Just want to know what's your opinion on cheating?

Would you ever excuse it?

What do you consider cheating? 

I'm in a bit of a mess soooo just want to know...

Edit: For those who want to know, I kinda cheated on my girlfriend. I made out with a girl in a party but I stopped it from going any further and thankfully we didn't have sex and thankfully my friends stayed quiet about the situation, I was drunk out of my mind and did some stupid drug and she kinda dragged me to kiss her, I know it sounds like an excuse but it's true. I didn't tell my girlfriend and I told my friends to be quiet and I swept it under the rug. Never went to parties since, not my kind of thing, don't want to get crazy and I like spending time in a more intimate and small space with small groups of friends rather than a crazy, epileptic puke smelling place. 

So a few months later, I see the girl in my school for some project and wow is it killing me inside when I'm right in front of her with my girlfriend because now there's risk of it being dug up again and I don't want her to find out any other way but from me. She doesn't have a lot of friends besides me thankfully but the occasional girl gossip can reach her and I don't want that. 

Is that cheating? Come on, that can't be cheating, right?

 

I have wondered about this situation for years and eventually found myself in a similar moral predicament. The dilemma revolves around the issue of whether it's ok to lie. Let me say right away to save you the pain that I went through, there is a time when it is ok to lie and this is such a time. You have obviously contemplated this and so that tells me you are not a psycho who cares fuck all for hurting people. You sound like a good man. Good men make mistakes and learn from them. So what's left is the pain and fear of her finding out.

But if you do tell her you, are going to cause her pain. The only time it is ok to lie is when you do so to prevent suffering. If it ever comes up that you did it just say you were concerned something may have happened but you were so out of it that you didn't recall. Focus on her and how happy she makes you. Put it out of your mind. If you did tell her the way you described to us she would forgive you. But it is better to absorb the pain of what you did rather than inflict it on her. Besides you shouldn't punish yourself (or her) over it. You didn't do anything permanently life alteringly wrong to anyone. 



To me, your story doesn’t sound like cheating. Cheating is when you purposely go out of your way to find someone else that’s cheating. Being drunk and on drugs and she initiated the kiss doesn’t mean you were out looking to get some action. Sounds like a mistake but maybe you should of came clean in the beginning with your girl instead of hiding it. Now you look guilty