This sounds like that C grade movie that come out recently with the rich psycho girl lol
| adisababa said: Just want to know what's your opinion on cheating? Would you ever excuse it? What do you consider cheating? I'm in a bit of a mess soooo just want to know... Edit: For those who want to know, I kinda cheated on my girlfriend. I made out with a girl in a party but I stopped it from going any further and thankfully we didn't have sex and thankfully my friends stayed quiet about the situation, I was drunk out of my mind and did some stupid drug and she kinda dragged me to kiss her, I know it sounds like an excuse but it's true. I didn't tell my girlfriend and I told my friends to be quiet and I swept it under the rug. Never went to parties since, not my kind of thing, don't want to get crazy and I like spending time in a more intimate and small space with small groups of friends rather than a crazy, epileptic puke smelling place. So a few months later, I see the girl in my school for some project and wow is it killing me inside when I'm right in front of her with my girlfriend because now there's risk of it being dug up again and I don't want her to find out any other way but from me. She doesn't have a lot of friends besides me thankfully but the occasional girl gossip can reach her and I don't want that. Is that cheating? Come on, that can't be cheating, right? |
I have wondered about this situation for years and eventually found myself in a similar moral predicament. The dilemma revolves around the issue of whether it's ok to lie. Let me say right away to save you the pain that I went through, there is a time when it is ok to lie and this is such a time. You have obviously contemplated this and so that tells me you are not a psycho who cares fuck all for hurting people. You sound like a good man. Good men make mistakes and learn from them. So what's left is the pain and fear of her finding out.
But if you do tell her you, are going to cause her pain. The only time it is ok to lie is when you do so to prevent suffering. If it ever comes up that you did it just say you were concerned something may have happened but you were so out of it that you didn't recall. Focus on her and how happy she makes you. Put it out of your mind. If you did tell her the way you described to us she would forgive you. But it is better to absorb the pain of what you did rather than inflict it on her. Besides you shouldn't punish yourself (or her) over it. You didn't do anything permanently life alteringly wrong to anyone.
To me, your story doesn’t sound like cheating. Cheating is when you purposely go out of your way to find someone else that’s cheating. Being drunk and on drugs and she initiated the kiss doesn’t mean you were out looking to get some action. Sounds like a mistake but maybe you should of came clean in the beginning with your girl instead of hiding it. Now you look guilty
VGPolyglot said:
But that's ignoring the possibility that they find out via other means. |
Well they WILL find out if you tell them and hurt them in the process, and if they do anyway which is far from guaranteed, suck it up, take it and move on, your mistake, your responsibility
Last edited by Rab - on 16 March 2018
| Rab said: Well they WILL find out if you tell them and hurt them in the process, and if they do anyway which is far from guaranteed, suck it up, take it and move on, your mistake, your responsibility |
Telling her doesn´t take away what happened. It might not relieve him from feeling guilty, but it will reduce the fear of getting caught and its fair to the other person to know who you really are. And if she finds out later on then she is going to be more hurt and can question if there are more things that he lied about. She might then feel that she wasted all that time on him for nothing.
Giving her a chance to decide whether to forgive or not is a good thing to do, instead of being selfish and deciding without her opinion.
People don´t need to be honest all the time or tell everything to everyone, but this is about intimate and close realtionship between two people. In that kind of relationships its more important to let be honest, at least about important things and form the close connection which comes through being open and honest with each other.
PSintend0 said:
Telling her doesn´t take away what happened. It might not relieve him from feeling guilty, but it will reduce the fear of getting caught and its fair to the other person to know who you really are. And if she finds out later on then she is going to be more hurt and can question if there are more things that he lied about. She might then feel that she wasted all that time on him for nothing. Giving her a chance to decide whether to forgive or not is a good thing to do, instead of being selfish and deciding without her opinion. People don´t need to be honest all the time or tell everything to everyone, but this is about intimate and close realtionship between two people. In that kind of relationships its more important to let be honest, at least about important things and form the close connection which comes through being open and honest with each other. |
With all due respect to OP, I don't know how intimate/close this relationship could really be. From what I can gather based on the evidence at hand it does not sound as though this is a long relationship, nor one that is very close. The guy is still in highschool, reading between the lines points to the relationship them only being in this relationship for a few months and OP seems far more concerned about losing the relationship than they are about the feeling of the other person.
| adisababa said: Just want to know what's your opinion on cheating? Would you ever excuse it? What do you consider cheating? I'm in a bit of a mess soooo just want to know... Edit: For those who want to know, I kinda cheated on my girlfriend. I made out with a girl in a party but I stopped it from going any further and thankfully we didn't have sex and thankfully my friends stayed quiet about the situation, I was drunk out of my mind and did some stupid drug and she kinda dragged me to kiss her, I know it sounds like an excuse but it's true. I didn't tell my girlfriend and I told my friends to be quiet and I swept it under the rug. Never went to parties since, not my kind of thing, don't want to get crazy and I like spending time in a more intimate and small space with small groups of friends rather than a crazy, epileptic puke smelling place. So a few months later, I see the girl in my school for some project and wow is it killing me inside when I'm right in front of her with my girlfriend because now there's risk of it being dug up again and I don't want her to find out any other way but from me. She doesn't have a lot of friends besides me thankfully but the occasional girl gossip can reach her and I don't want that. Is that cheating? Come on, that can't be cheating, right? |
Well, think how you will feel, if some guy says he made out with your girlfriend at this party. Confronting your girlfriend she says she was completely drunk and drugged and the guy kinda persuaded her, so it's not really her fault. Asking her friends you realize she asked them to keep it quiet.
| Ka-pi96 said: Surprised by some of the people in this thread. The "it's selfish to confess your guilt to other people. What other people don't know can't hurt them" sounds like the kind of thing you'd expect a sociopathic killer to say. |
Yeah, the idea that someone thinks it's somehow better for the other person to not know the truth just sounds like an excuse someone makes to make themselves feel better when they know they've done something wrong and don't want to own up to it.
| Ka-pi96 said: Surprised by some of the people in this thread. The "it's selfish to confess your guilt to other people. What other people don't know can't hurt them" sounds like the kind of thing you'd expect a sociopathic killer to say. |
I guess it's some way to justify the moral high ground by not being honest.
Confessing your guilt is only passing on that responsibility and pain to someone who did not deserve it so you feel a bit better about yourself, it is selfish, show some maturity and think of your partner's feelings
Learn from your mistake once and never do it again
It appears you guys have been watching far too many Hollywood movies :p
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