By using this site, you agree to our Privacy Policy and our Terms of Use. Close

Forums - General Discussion - Cheating in relationships

VGPolyglot said:
Rab said:

We as humans break things all the time often by mistake, life is messy, it's your choice of cause to abandon the relationship, but if you just made a mistake once and really love your partner you would be a fool to really destroy your and your partners chance for happiness, but if your a serial cheater then to hell with you  

If your partner cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know?

Good question, my personal answer is 'no' if it happened only once and wasn't planned, any more than that then 'yes' 

I understand that people do want to know, but it's knowledge you can't come back from, we Humans are socially curious, but everything we find out won't necessarily help us, just beware of what you ask    



Around the Network
VGPolyglot said:
Rab said:

We as humans break things all the time often by mistake, life is messy, it's your choice of cause to abandon the relationship, but if you just made a mistake once and really love your partner you would be a fool to really destroy your and your partners chance for happiness, but if your a serial cheater then to hell with you  

If your partner cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know?

What the OP did? Not a chance. Would just lower my opinion of her. The thoughts would always be in the back of my mind, it would be hard to trust her again even after she did something so minor. The pain between us would be quite unnecessary. She might even think to do it again, but as long as she tells me its okay right. Not so simple.

While if she didn't tell me, then we act happy and the relationship gets stronger or weaker through normal means.



Farsala said:
VGPolyglot said:

If your partner cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know?

What the OP did? Not a chance. Would just lower my opinion of her. The thoughts would always be in the back of my mind, it would be hard to trust her again even after she did something so minor. The pain between us would be quite unnecessary. She might even think to do it again, but as long as she tells me its okay right. Not so simple.

While if she didn't tell me, then we act happy and the relationship gets stronger or weaker through normal means.

I'd be upset that the person did it, but it takes a lot of courage to come clean to someone like that.



VGPolyglot said:
Farsala said:

What the OP did? Not a chance. Would just lower my opinion of her. The thoughts would always be in the back of my mind, it would be hard to trust her again even after she did something so minor. The pain between us would be quite unnecessary. She might even think to do it again, but as long as she tells me its okay right. Not so simple.

While if she didn't tell me, then we act happy and the relationship gets stronger or weaker through normal means.

I'd be upset that the person did it, but it takes a lot of courage to come clean to someone like that.

It's multifaceted for sure, and I have a lot of opinions about it. But maybe another time or in a pm.

On a different note, if she did it even when she is drunk then their might be problems already. And problems in the relationship could be either person's fault, though the cheating is obviously solely the offending person's fault.



I'm totally against cheating, but I don't think your relationship is necessarily over, based on the circumstances. You should come clean and not make any excuses, like being intoxicated. The worst thing to do is to keep it hidden. You don't want a relationship without trust!



Playing Xenoblade 2 before I buy Xenoblade 3 (otherwise I couldn't wait to play 3).

Can they announce a new Fire Emblem? A remake of Genealogy or Tellius would suffice !

Around the Network
PSintend0 said:
StarOcean said:

It’s pretty obvious it isn’t his first

Btw: It wasn’t how he wrote it that made me say it -it was what was being argued. He had bad points and used them to attempt to refute what I said. Where you come from doesn’t prevent you from making a good point or at the very least one that isn’t easy to dismiss.

You really seem offended that I (among others in this thread) don´t share your black and white view on cheating.

Being honest and keeping your word is important to me. However I think that its up those two (or more) who are in a relationship, to discuss and agree on what is okay and what is not. For me it wouldn´t count cheating if it wasn´t a secret and if it wasn´t an overly passionate and long kissing event.

The thread was about our opinions on cheating (and especially that incident and whether its cheating or not) and my points are as good as anyones in that regard.

I’m not offended, the only offensive thing from you was that train of logic you used. If you want to post your opinion, I don’t care, post what you want. But not towards me, especially if the points you’re making aren’t good to begin with. Say what you want without quoting me.



Wow, people are so incredibly strict in here and very idealistic. Here's the thing, shit happens. Humans make mistakes. My girlfriend never cheated on me but she deeply violated my trust a few years ago (which I actually consider to be worse than fucking someone) and I forgave her. Because people make mistakes and it's totally dumb to end a healthy relationship in which both partners are happy just because someone screwed up one single time lol.

If you actually feel unhappy and being monogamous for the rest of your life is too much for you (let's face it: the goal of most relationships is to last forever, isn't it? Most people don't enter a relationship saying "oh we'll make it to two years") tell your girlfriend and be open about it. I suggest this article, as it's really good. A surprisingly large number of girls is fine with the man having sex with other women as long as you adhere to a few rules (rule number one: don't do it in your house / flat) and it doesn't cause drama for her. 

Also, I wouldn't automatically assume that your girlfriend *wants* to hear you kissed another girl. There's quite a bunch of women who'd honestly just prefer not to get told and will be angry at you because you told them (not because you did it). But, as you feel bad about it, you should probably tell her. Women are very good at sensing your insecurity.



Ka-pi96 said:
Rab said:

Not confusing anything, it's the pain you will cause by being selfish twice, once when you cheated (this pain you can keep to yourself), and again selfishly telling your partner you cheated so you can feel better (a pain your giving to someone else)

You're giving them the opportunity to dump your worthless lying cheating ass. Not giving them that opportunity is the selfish option.

lol, you can be selfish and tell her then if it makes you feel better ;) 



Ka-pi96 said:
Rab said:

lol, you can be selfish and tell her then if it makes you feel better ;) 

I wouldn't cheat in the first place, because I'm not selfish...

That's actually the perfect recipe for becoming a cheater. Like the people who say "I'm not influenced by advertisements". Of course you are selfish. Everyone is. You've probably never been in a situation like your absolute dream girl rubbing herself against you in a secluded spot and telling you to make love with her... have you? Because if you haven't you don't know if you'd cheat or not. (Not being mean or anything, I'm actually smiling writing this post because you remind me of some "chaste and virtuous" girls I've talked to about this - they say they'd never cheat and then dump their boyfriends in the most atrocious ways, instantly sleeping with another guy. "But hey, technically it wasn't cheating! :P")



PSintend0 said:
StarOcean said:
Tell her.

Cheating at all is the worst breach of trust in a relationship. If she’s as conservative as you say, she’ll probably get mad and hopefully leave you. I have absolutely no sympathy for cheaters -with the exclusion of very extreme circumstances, of which you are not apart of. You were being stupid, shouldn’t have been drinking or doing whatever it was you were -neither are real excuses.

I’ve been cheated on enough in the past to think if it happens once, it’ll never happen again. It’s a naive thought -one perhaps your girlfriend will have. Nowadays if someone cheats, I leave immediately -no questions asked. Unless you were in an open relationship or whatever, it’s not okay -and from how you’re acting, there’s a 100% it isn’t open. Be a man and face the consequences of making bad decisions.

People are not perfect and a girl kissed him while he was very drunk etc. so its not that black and white, however telling is probable better than feeling guilty and wondering when she is going to find out. And if they haven´t even talked on what is accepted and what is off limits then its even more on the grey area. For many just a quick kiss isn´t that big of a deal, but everyone is different. I woulnd´t be mad about that.

StarOcean as you can see my post wasn´t meant to oppose your post or underrate it. I agreed with some parts of your post, but in my opinion some parts of your post and some of your your views were quite extreme. I still respect your opinion and realize that people are different.

My main point being that world and things are not black and white. The OP has not said how long has he been with his girlfriend and if they have discussed rules and boundaries of the relationship. He didn´t know if that kiss counted as cheating and from that I assumed it might be that they haven´t even discussed on what is fine and what is not. Also being drunk etc. is not an excuse, but it is a thing that influensed the way things went. Its one of the reasons it happened. As is the fact that he was kissed and not the other way around.

I could have quoted other posts that were similar to yours, but your post seemed most extreme and for that reason I quoted it.

My train of thought: He was drunk etc. and made a mistake. He is not sure if it counts as cheating-> Maybe he is young and they haven´t been together that long. Have they even discussed what are the rules of their relationship? Maybe not...-> This all is not that black and white. The situation is more on the grey area, but still he should tell his girlfriend and possible talk about if its okay or not, if it counts as cheating or not.