Smartie900 said: Ansari wasn't good at reading the signals the girl put out. When someone is in a situation where they're deeply uncomfortable and tense, they don't always have the willpower to refuse a request and say 'no'. I can sympathize with the girl and it is understandable that she would want to come out and voice her concerns. However, Ansari doesn't deserve to be vilified for being ignorant on how to read social signals. He expressed regret over the situation privately and seemed to genuinely care about the mental state of the girl. To me, this just seems like a an awkward situation where two people didn't know how to properly communicate with each other. |
This.
Apparently she tried to give 'non-verbal' signals at first and then when he seemed to ignore her going stiff and not kissing him back and stuff like that, she eventually voiced her concerns, probably too late.
Yes, he's a man of relative power, yes it might have been an intimidating situation for her, but by all accounts when she actually voiced her unwillingness he called her a cab and she went home. Yes, men need to learn how to pay attention to the situation, non-verbal cues and all, and not be blinded by hornyness, but women also need to clearly voice if they feel uncomfortable.
Was he oblivious? Yes, probably. Was it with malicious intent? Probably not. Could he have asked if she was comfortable with the situation at some point in the evening? Sure.
Apparently I'm very oblivious to romantic/sexual cues and it was nervewrecking for my BF to try and hook up with me because I didn't give him any indication, one way or the other. That wasn't on purpose and I wasn't trying to lead him on either, but to me, we had spend two very nice days toghether and were in a good conversation atm. I was open to more obviously since he's my current BF, but I didn't give him any obvious indicator either.
What I'm trying to say is, we probably need to get this notion out of our heads that asking about things and talking is 'ankward' or 'destroys the moment'. If it just becomes more normal to go:'Hey, I'd like to have sex with you, how about you?' and also be an adult about it, should the answer be 'no' or 'no for now', everybody wins.