Where do I begin? Why am I posting this? What are my goals for this? I don't know, I guess I just need to ramble (or maybe I'm just whoring for attention ), and what better place than a video game forum!!

Now, you guys may have seen my thread about general discussion, because I said I was feeling depressed. Well, I guess it must have gotten worse,  because it got to the point where I just didn't feel like posting on here, nor participating in the Discord server for a few days. Why was that the case? What events lead to that? I do try to frequently analyze other people, but more than anyone else, I look inward to try to understand why I feel how I feel.

Now, in around February of this year, I became much more active on this site. It was a very exciting thing, as I got to meet and talk to many people from all over the world, whom I hadn't really been acquainted with beforehand. It also helped me cope with work, probably not the best way in the slightest but hey it did something at least. Yes, even at that point I had times of depression, which is not out of the ordinary in the slightest for me. However, I started taking medication, and it seemed to be going a bit better. Of course, I'm not so naive to think all would be well, in fact I'm a pessimist, I had assumed that it would get worse again eventually.

Well, I don't know, but the past week or so it's just been a weird feeling I've had. I've had a harder time trying to connect with the people I talk to on here. It's not like I can meet anyone here in real life to see a movie, play games or even just hang out really. Now, not having friends is in no way out of the ordinary for me, in fact I haven't had any friends I'd see for probably around 5 years by now, so it was really nice having at least having someoen to talk to. However,  opening up my emotions, possibly coupled with my mom lambasting me for talking to people here instead of making friends in my city, has really taken a toll on me. I haven't even played any video games with anyone on this site since June, and I have no idea when I'll even be able to do so again.

Now, I also got a capture card, and so I wanted to do let's plays. I also was even thinking of doing something cool, say like having a group theat'd be like a let's play version of the Wu-Tang Clan where there'd say be around 9-11 people who would collaborate in let's plays. Now, of course reality had to hit me: I don't even have a single friend to realize that shower thought, let alone 10. I guess it was even harder knowing that my brother himself doesn't want to do let's plays with me: if I can't even do that, how I can expect anyone else to do so?

So, I decided that I'd try to get out of my comfort zone, and meet some people in real life. My university has a gaming club, so I decided to go to the event yesterday. Well, safe to say, even there I didn't really feel like I fit in. Most people there are fans of PUBG, CS:GO, LoL and Hearthstone, all games I have never even played before. So, when we divided into groups, I went with the fighting game group. Even there though, it was composed of those who wanted to play the games competitively: being a casual fighting game fan myself, I didn't really know what to do.

As I said before, not having friends really isn't out of the norm for me these days. However, then I shut out my emotions, which made it much easier to deal with. Yes, I'd have dreams which would make me feel emotionally hurt, but it was otherwise fun. However, it hurts now knowing that even when I try to make friends, I seem to be incapable of doing so. I don't want to offend the people I know here, but I guess the thing is that I can't even get a hug from any of you guys if I'm feeling down and just want to. Where do I go from here? I can't leave the site, I have 3 threads to take care of. Nor do I even necessarily want to leave the site, as there are still people I enjoy talking to. But what do I do with the people here that I know? Do I create gaming meetings? I don't have XBL Gold, PS+, and I barely buy any games on Steam! Do I do voice chat? Well, I'm extremely shy and awkward, so when I attempt to do so, it just ends up with me generally being quiet and leaving voice chat to avoid making thing so awkward (coupled with my parents complaining about me talking to people on the internet instead of "real people"). What do I do?

Now, am I overreacting? Yes, I know I probably am. But how do I deal with it? What do I do? I've taken therapy multiple times, I take medication, and as I just said, I've tried to go to events to make friends. Thank God I'm not a suicidal person, unfortunately I do know quite a few people who decided to take that road. Even posting this here, I'm scared of alienating or scaring off those who I talk to here, as I can understand people being uncomfortable having to deal with someone with the emotional issues and strange tendencies that I do. I don't know, I guess I'm just at a loss, these past few nights I've been crying while trying to fall asleep, and even now I'm starting to tear up. Oh well, I guess I'll get over it, I have to or else it'll be a very bumpy road.

I'm a very shy person too. And although I like to be alone, sometimes I really want some people to talk to and do fun things together.
I didn't really talk to anyone in high school, so I often felt like I was missing out on a lot of fun things. I always said to myself that I needed to make a new start when I was going to university, I wanted to make some good friends very quickly. After one week, I already know that it isn't going to happen. We're in huge groups, which strongly reduces the chances of making friends (since we're constantly see different people, so there's no one I can get close contact with).

So yeah, this thread feels quite relatable to me (aside from the depression part, luckily). But I try to stay positive, and you should do that too. There's still a decent chance that one day you meet someone you really like, either in a friend-ish or in a love-ish way .

The way I see it you have not died yet.
According to VGC you have been alive for about 19 years.
If you have lived for over 7000 days, you likely will not die tomorrow.
Hell, 7001 days and zero deaths means that statistically you will not die the day after.
Each day that passes should therefore have a lower chance for you to expire.
You are practically a god.

Now go and take your new found godhood and take the world by storm.
Or something like that.

Life can be painful sometimes, but I guess we all just have to take it day by day.
Whatever happens in life will all be concluded within a century or two.
So lets all go live our lives in a way that both satisfies us and the people who surround.

Or something.
I guess.

Do you have facebook? look for your old friends from high school in there and try to reconnect with them.

The game group thing in your university is pretty cool.

I was going to recommend FFXIV to meet and play with people online, but I'm afraid it might get addictive and you might never ever ever leave the house. >_>;

I didn't have any friends in high scool, so not much luck there unfortunately.

That shouldn't stop you, there are people that I hardly ever spoken to or never spoken to at all from school and they hit me up with a friend request on facebook, some people who I even forgotten. lol

I don’t really know what to say here. I fully understand how you feel because I also have similar problems but at a lesser degree. I just want you to know that I think that you are a really nice person by all your vgc activity and that I’m always up to conversation with you on discord. So feel free to pm me anytime you need to talk to someone.

I did want to do the Dino Crisis let's play with you. But when I went to get the street interviews you didn't wait for me.

Hmm? I didn't even do it that day? I did it on Sunday, and you were here the whole day