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Forums - General Discussion - Dumbest thing you've ever done: what and why?

Teeqoz on 18 August 2017
Teeqoz said:
mjk45 said:

Was at a party and I remember standing around a fire and smoking some hash , it was cracker night here in Australia and some one gave me a large firecracker almost as big as a cigarette , I got distracted and kept holding it in my left hand about twenty minutes later I remember lighting a cigarette and hearing a fizzing sound at the same time as my "cigarette" was smacked out of my mouth followed by a loud bang , the cigarette was in fact that firecracker and my friend Tim knocked it away , I was obviously very grateful realising what injury it could have caused and then ten minutes after telling Tim that he having his shit together saved my ass , I heard another loud bang and there's Tim running up the backyard yelling out my cock's exploded , my cock's exploded , it turned out that he was having a pee against the back fence when the next door neighbours kid threw a cracker over the fence that exploded in front of him around groin hight .

the moral to this story , don't try to smoke firecrackers and watch out for exploding cocks.

This is the single greatest thing I've read on the internet possibly ever.

 

RolStoppable said:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supp osed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

A minute or so lat er (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still t witching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Holy fucking shit. I changed my mind. This is fucking hilarious. In fact, I'm not even sure if I can belive this. It seems to funny to be true.



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VGPolyglot on 18 August 2017
Teeqoz said:
Teeqoz said:

This is the single greatest thing I've read on the internet possibly ever.

 

RolStoppable said:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supp osed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

A minute or so lat er (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still t witching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Holy fucking shit. I changed my mind. This is fucking hilarious. In fact, I'm not even sure if I can belive this. It seems to funny to be true.

http://urbanbushbabes.com/funny-fridays-this-is-hilarious-only-a-man-would-attempt-this/



Insidb on 18 August 2017

When I was a kid, I crushed my finger in a woodsplitter: I was trying to flatten a piece of tin foil.

All's well that ends well, but that was super dumb.



Insidb on 18 August 2017
Teeqoz said:
Teeqoz said:

This is the single greatest thing I've read on the internet possibly ever.

 

RolStoppable said:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were supp osed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

A minute or so lat er (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still t witching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Holy fucking shit. I changed my mind. This is fucking hilarious. In fact, I'm not even sure if I can belive this. It seems to funny to be true.

Plagiarism!



Teeqoz on 18 August 2017
VGPolyglot said:
Teeqoz said:

 

Holy fucking shit. I changed my mind. This is fucking hilarious. In fact, I'm not even sure if I can belive this. It seems to funny to be true.

http://urbanbushbabes.com/funny-fridays-this-is-hilarious-only-a-man-would-attempt-this/

Yup, it was too funny to be true. Oh well.



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Teeqoz on 18 August 2017
RolStoppable said:
Teeqoz said:

Yup, it was too funny to be true. Oh well.

Does it really matter whether it's true or not? The story is still hilarious after all this time. The first time I read it was nine years ago.

The best part is "I am going to use the tazer on myself for a second, how bad can it be?"

EDIT: I dug it up from here because I never knew where it originated from.

No, it's still fun. It jsut would've been even more fun if it was you and it actually happened. It even sort of fit your writing style.



DroidKnight on 18 August 2017

The year was 1992, I was in my Junior year in high school. I was really in love with the girlfriend I had at the time and we would kiss for hours night after night (never sealed the deal). One night I was with her and her breath was really stank. I almost gagged when I kissed her and knew I would blow chunks if I went in again. I didn't know how to tell her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, and I knew it was just a matter of time before she would lean in again for another kiss.

Well the moment came and she came in for the kiss I hurriedly turned my head away and looked down. I tried to act ashamed and sad like I did something wrong. Then I proceeded to tell her that I couldn't kiss her because I had kissed another girl and felt guilty kissing her. Of course I hadn't done that, and would never cheat on her, but she took off running and crying. She broke up with me. I did try to explain it later but it was to late, and only made things worse.



...to avoid getting banned for inactivity, I may have to resort to comments that are of a lower overall quality and or beneath my moral standards.

AngryLittleAlchemist on 18 August 2017
flashfire926 said:
I gave a love letter to a girl............last month....... A PHYSICAL LOVE LETTER.

i don't know what I was high on during that time........

Believe me, I'm not as stupid as this makes me seem....

Oh shit. What'd she say?

Mike321 said:
Probably bullying a kid for no reason, tho karma bite me in the ass and few years later I was bullied

Lol that fits your profile pic perfectly : D 



Teeqoz on 18 August 2017
RolStoppable said:
Teeqoz said:

No, it's still fun. It jsut would've been even more fun if it was you and it actually happened. It even sort of fit your writing style.

Well, thanks a lot. It seems everyone always wishes me all the worst.

By the way, if it had been me, I would have tazered the cat. Duh.

Well, I was sort of expecting you to just test it on your wife. After all, she should know what pain her potential muggers will be going through when she tazes them.



Mike321 on 18 August 2017
AngryLittleAlchemist said:

Lol that fits your profile pic perfectly : D 

Hehe very appropiate indeed