Stupid Bengals

That Gronk suspension coming at a very opportune time for him lol

FANTASY RECAP: JUDGEMENT DAY

The end of the regular season is here, which brings with it the usual array of broken dreams, answered prayers, and thousands of Americans swearing off fantasy football knowing full well they'll be right back at it come next September. After Cincinnati's fucking awful second half performance and my own idiotic choice to not start Marquise Lee cost me a spot in the semifinals of another fantasy league, I'm firmly in the first and third categories. Let's see who else's playoff dreams were shattered like Carson Palmer's arm. 

Dongo's Gridiron Gamers 108.06, Alpha Males 81.22

Speaking of people smart enough to start Marquise Lee, Dongo apparently wasn't deterred by Lee's horrible game last week and kept him in the lineup, and it paid off. Despite a less than fantastic game from Drew Brees, solid performances from Lee (14 points), Justin Tucker (16), Jamaal Williams (18), and Bilal Powell (11) were enough to push Dongo over the century mark for only the third time this season. Mike, meanwhile, was let down by Tevin Coleman (5 points) and his underwhelming 2.8 YPC, Kai Forbath (2), and the Giants' Defense (3). Despite this, Mike had a longshot chance at the upset coming into Sunday Night with Carson Wentz and Joe Mixon still yet to play, but Mixon was injured in the second quarter and Wentz had the misfortune to play against the December Seahawks. The win pushed Dongo to 7-6, needing a Seth loss to get into the playoffs...

Nohrian Scum 140.18, The Longest Foot 84.42

...and let's just say that Dongo got what he needed. Seth got horribly unlucky with his opponent posting the second highest point total of the season, with the most notable performance coming from Tyreek Hill (31 points). Despite solid efforts from Greg Zuerlein and Jermaine Kerse (both 16 points) and another strong game from Alvin Kamara (25), Seth was let down by Tom Brady (8 points), Carlos Hyde (7), and JuJu "Fuck Vontaze Burfict" Smith-Schuster (2 points). The loss drops Seth to 7-6 on the season and keeps him out of the playoffs due to losing the head to head game against Dongo earlier this season, while I finish the regular season at 10-3.

NobleTeam360 81.52, Arminillo 75.14

The de-facto Nohr Division championship was a relatively low scoring affair, with only four players overall scoring 13 points or more. Perhaps most disappointing was Julio Jones 2 point performance, serving as a potential warning to anyone who is considering starting a WR against Minnesota's defense. Cam Newton (20) and Keenan Allen (17) led the way for Noble, while Leonard Fournette (14) and Mike Thomas (13) were the high scorers for Arminillo. Noble finishes the regular season at 9-4, while Arminillo drops to 7-6 but still finishes second in the division.

The Rest:

Arch 122.00, ItErtzWhenEifert 100.34

The Loins 83.48, SCAB 40.82

Lousy Pack 104.26, HanginwithHernandez 76.28

Final Standings

#1: Arch (11-2, Hoshido Division Champ)

#2: NobleTeam360 (9-4, Nohr Division Champ)

#3: Nohrian Scum (10-3)

#4: ItErtzWhenEifert (8-5)

#5: Arminillo (7-6)

#6: Dongo's Gridiron Gamers (7-6)

Playoffs

We have two playoffs; the championship bracket and the consolation bracket. Note that, even if you lose, you'll be playing next week regardless of bracket, so there's some fame and glory to be found...somewhere, anyway.

With that said, here are the Winner's Round 1 Playoff Matchups, because quite honestly I couldn't be inspired to write previews for games involving SCAB and Hernandez. Rol and Blowover, as long as you remember to field a team you've essentially got byes to the second round of the consolation bracket.

NOHRIAN SCUM (10-3) vs. DONGO'S GRIDIRON GAMERS (7-6)

Previous Matchup: Nohrian Scum won 102.42-68.58 in Week 10.

Dongo comes into this game without Rob Gronkowski, who is suspended for his cheap shot last week. However, Dongo has about as good a TE replacement as you can find in Jimmy Graham, so this may not ultimately be too much of a loss. A lot is riding on the approach that the Saints take in the red zone; Drew Brees has only thrown 6 TDs over his past 6 games (compare that with 11 over the first 6), largely due to New Orleans relying on the run game much more, especially in the red zone. The QB on the other side, Russell Wilson, has been on a torrid streak as of late to put himself in the MVP conversation, but faces a daunting task against a Jacksonville defense that has the second highest takeaway rate in the league. In fact, nearly all of my stars face difficult defenses this week; Le'Veon Bell will be up against Baltimore, while Todd Gurley will be playing Philly. The winner of this game will move on to play Noble next week.

ITERTZWHENEIFERT (8-5) vs. ARMINILLO (7-6)

Previous Matchup: ItErtzWhenEifert won 103.62-66.98 in Week 9

Ludicrous backed his way into the playoffs largely as a result of underperforming Chiefs' players; Alex Smith (with the exception of last week) and Kareem Hunt have cooled off significantly since Kansas City's first loss of the season to Oakland. Perhaps somewhat fittingly, the Chiefs-Raiders rematch is this week, and Oakland's defense hasn't improved. On the flipside, two of Arminillo's receivers, Alshon Jeffery and Julio Jones, are looking to rebound from awful performances last week. This game may ultimately be determined by whether Kirk Cousins, who has been inconsistent from a fantasy point this season to say the least, is more hit or miss. Cousins' statline over the past eight weeks has been two good games (28 and 24 points) followed by two terrible games (11 and 8 points), followed by two great games (28 and 26 points), followed by two bad games (16 and 13 points). If the trend keeps up, Arminillo could be in good shape. The winner of this game will move on to play top seeded Arch next week.

Now if only all the players on my team could also take a bye week in real life to make sure their nice fresh and healthy for the last two weeks lol

Rol is scared of SCAB lol.  He seems to despise only you and actually starts correct players.  Be interesting to see what happens but you should have it locked down.

Let's see if someone's first guess at a tie goes right. I would predict an upset of Cleveland over Green Bay but I won't be too harsh on Green Bay so I'll go with a tie.

I can't really argue with this, my team has sucked most of the time. I'm amazed I even finished with a positive record, especially since I missed the entire draft and got no one that I wanted. C'est la vie.