ah to be 10 again

One thing's clear - it's not easy being this OP's friend. That one friend, because there is no second place in anything. Well, either that, or this is a troll thread.

quit games and get al real life ...

I read the word "satisfaction" in the OP. That's insecurity right there. There's nothing wrong with being insecure as long as you are aware of it and realize it's your issue to resolve and not another person's.
You clearly worship this person to some degree and live in some hope of something being more than it is.

You don't sound very old so I'm guessing you aren't more than 13-15 so I'm guessing this kind of thing is fairly normal psychologically for an online situation at that age between male/female. It's certainly not healthy in an emotionally developed person so if you are a few years older than that then this might be the time to think about what's really going on here and do some self improvement so you can get what you want out of life.

Well that's VGC, you've been dissected, and analyzed.

..can't believe i just wasted my time reading this

Most likely the latter considering OP's first and only response to this thread.

............. What.

dude....

if you're being serious you need help. you can't / shouldn't expect to be anyones 1st priority except your spouse, which you don't have. i HAD friends that acted like you and all they did was drive me away because of this same thing, being "2nd". Stop it now or she'll be done with you.