You play as this guy who sounds like he's taking shit after eating a bag full of rocks. He has a gun that's 50% chainsaw. And the graphics have the exact same color palette as my 10 inch 1983 black and white TV. Grey, black, and grey. He fights a bunch of ugly deformed monsters who come from underground but their queen is an attractive white woman. Why? White privilege, of course!

This is either Gears of War or Police Quest: Detroit.

FF6? :)

Yup

you're a wolf trying to defeat a sentient ball by using a paintbrush.

A weird little boy journeys to the sewers with a wrench, overalls, and some big ass shoes. From there he travels the world on a train and offers to rebuild towns and cities free like an immigrant in front of Home Depot. Also there's a girl...

This thread should be titled, "be as vague as possible about a game". I don't really see any shit talking whatsoever.

Here's mine:
You play through a side-scroller composed of outdated pixel graphics, shooting aliens that generally are all the same other than color swaps. The soundtrack is basically just holding down random buttons on a synth, mixed in with cliched future bleeps boops and squishy sounds. The bosses are pretty unoriginal, just dragons of different colors and sizes. Some of the npcs aren't even named very well either, like the "chozo" which basically just means birdperson, because the npc is a bird/person.
The gameplay involves shooting every single thing in a room and hoping to find hidden items that you don't even really need, and going across maps to get keys that open doors on the other side of the map.

In this cash-in sequel, even the developers admitted that they just used the rejected and left over ideas of the original title. And for the first time in this series, you don't even have an overworld to traverse (and no, that sorry excuse of a giant head doesn't count as an overworld). And instead of getting close to a celestial goddess with parent issues (Meeeeeow), you get to hang out with an overweight purple star.

Excited yet?

You made it too easy, Super Smeags Galaxy traveller.

Some fat loser goes into an adventure in space to rescue a blonde from some stupid turtle.