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Forums - General Discussion - The Romantic Advice Thread

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Goddamn, had to go incommunicado all class, get back and then the site is running like molasses. Took me a while to get here.

She was at that thing the whole time (that is, the hour from when our class ends and my work begins), but it was a good day nonetheless. More time to talk with her in class today, learned a bit more about her, she likes my halloween costume idea and seemed to indicate that she was going to the party on Saturday.

Just that no part of that conversation was one-on-one, and by the time we were done i had to bail to my job.

I beg NiKKoM to spare the kitten as i at least made some progress today, just flubbed the one-on-one conversation part (because it would hardly be appropriate to just change tracks in the middle of a conversation with other people present).



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

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Mr Khan said:
haxxiy said:
Mr. Khan, I think you should consider doing some sort of behaviour therapy too. It might help you a lot. You seem to be very anxious over your social skills and what it is going to happen and I identify a lot of that with what I once used to be before seeking a psychologist myself.

It's really just women. I do fine in social situations, like at the luncheon mentioned in a previous post: staffed with important people, including the dean of my grad school, a distinguished alum, and a few student council members, and i was 10 minutes late. Cool as a cucumber and i hit it off splendidly (as far as i can tell, anyway). Got the alumnus talking about his field of study which happens to be a subject of a paper i'm working on, helped carry a good part of the conversation.

Romance, now, drives me a bit batty, which could be for one of many reasons. Hell, my scheming over this was what made me 10 minutes late for the other thing.

Well, it's not really "just" women, since you do seem to care a great deal about it. Not to mention that since you don't seem the age this sort of thing uses to be an issue... you might frustrate yourself more than learn doing things the usual way. But hey, it was only a suggestion.



 

 

 

 

 



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

NiKKoM said:

See? Happy!

I feel pretty good about today, all things considered. Will still try to catch for a conversation tomorrow, although that's a tricky proposition on Thursdays.



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

Wow, I read the whole thread. I need to follow this story.

We're just people giving advice on a gaming forum, so you don't need to listen to what I say, but I'll give you my two cents.

From reading this thread I'd say you're waaaaaay overthinking things and waiting for the "perfect" occasion. Except the perfect occasion is any time, really. Like Nikkom said, just talk to her, be confident, make some joke and remind her she owes you a coffee (if she remembers at all at this point). You could have done it many times already, I'm sure.

Another thing is, if you ask her for coffee but then don't remind her and let time pass, she's gonna lose any interest she may have had fast, because that makes it seem like you weren't interested enough to actually have that coffee in the first place. Don't wait for the next "event" to make your move, you're just gonna keep delaying this.

If you really have such a hard time asking her out for coffee, here's a plan B. Why don't you invite her to some small party / BBQ / drinks outside or whatever with a small group of your friends? Some event you're organising. That way you'd lose the shyness associated with asking her "on a date" and make it seem a normal event. But, it would show her you like her enough to choose her for this small event and you'd have the chance to talk to her and make her feel confident around you and vice-versa. Have a few drinks and laugh. Then act FAST (you don't want to be friendzoned) and casually ask her if she wants to have some damn drink or coffee with you some other day because you're free and bored or whatever. Then take things from there and come back to this thread :P



No troll is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate trolls, I train people. I am the Troll Whisperer.

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Troll_Whisperer said:

Wow, I read the whole thread. I need to follow this story.

We're just people giving advice on a gaming forum, so you don't need to listen to what I say, but I'll give you my two cents.

From reading this thread I'd say you're waaaaaay overthinking things and waiting for the "perfect" occasion. Except the perfect occasion is any time, really. Like Nikkom said, just talk to her, be confident, make some joke and remind her she owes you a coffee (if she remembers at all at this point). You could have done it many times already, I'm sure.

Another thing is, if you ask her for coffee but then don't remind her and let time pass, she's gonna lose any interest she may have had fast, because that makes it seem like you weren't interested enough to actually have that coffee in the first place. Don't wait for the next "event" to make your move, you're just gonna keep delaying this.

If you really have such a hard time asking her out for coffee, here's a plan B. Why don't you invite her to some small party / BBQ / drinks outside or whatever with a small group of your friends? Some event you're organising. That way you'd lose the shyness associated with asking her "on a date" and make it seem a normal event. But, it would show her you like her enough to choose her for this small event and you'd have the chance to talk to her and make her feel confident around you and vice-versa. Have a few drinks and laugh. Then act FAST (you don't want to be friendzoned) and casually ask her if she wants to have some damn drink or coffee with you some other day because you're free and bored or whatever. Then take things from there and come back to this thread :P

Good advice.

The key is that you really can't ask her when she's talking with a bunch of other people, or one other person. It's been hard to "isolate" her (which makes it sound like i'm stalking her, but is it really appropriate to put her on the spot in the former situation?)



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

Mr Khan said:

Good advice.

The key is that you really can't ask her when she's talking with a bunch of other people, or one other person. It's been hard to "isolate" her (which makes it sound like i'm stalking her, but is it really appropriate to put her on the spot in the former situation?)

If she's talking with people you don't personally know or talk to, I'd say it's still OK to ask her out. The others would probably just assume you're closer to her than to them and shrug it off.

Go to group, say "hey (name), sorry to interrupt, wanna grab some coffee after class? Cool thanks, see you later / maybe next time" or if you go with plan B "hey (name), sorry to interrupt, me and my friends are having a (event) on (convenient day), wanna join us? Cool thanks / no problem, next time".

Think if you were talking to someone and you were briefly interrupted by someone you barely know who has this kind of exchange with that someone. I don't think you'd think much of it.

Otherwise, plan B within plan B is Facebook events... Easy to invite people without resorting to private messages.



No troll is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate trolls, I train people. I am the Troll Whisperer.

Troll_Whisperer said:
Mr Khan said:

Good advice.

The key is that you really can't ask her when she's talking with a bunch of other people, or one other person. It's been hard to "isolate" her (which makes it sound like i'm stalking her, but is it really appropriate to put her on the spot in the former situation?)

If she's talking with people you don't personally know or talk to, I'd say it's still OK to ask her out. The others would probably just assume you're closer to her than to them and shrug it off.

Go to group, say "hey (name), sorry to interrupt, wanna grab some coffee after class? Cool thanks, see you later / maybe next time" or if you go with plan B "hey (name), sorry to interrupt, me and my friends are having a (event) on (convenient day), wanna join us? Cool thanks / no problem, next time".

Think if you were talking to someone and you were briefly interrupted by someone you barely know who has this kind of exchange with that someone. I don't think you'd think much of it.

Otherwise, plan B within plan B is Facebook events... Easy to invite people without resorting to private messages.

Haven't really thought about it like that.

I suppose it's as much my fear of being rejected in front of other people (that if i'm going to get shot down, none should witness it) which hamstrings me there, and that i was just making up excuses as to why it would be inappropriate on the other side.

So long as it was indeed a casual ask-out, anyway.



Monster Hunter: pissing me off since 2010.

10 bucks on when he tries plan B, getting 6 to 8 not too nerdy people, male and female, sets a day, spends the money on the social thing and invites her and a friend of her to it.. She says no cause she has already something else to do that day..

By now i would have probably brought coffee to her and say: "so we still hadn't have that coffee so the coffee comes to you but next time its on you.." .. Anyway it doesn't really matter if she's in a group or not.. Just saying: "don't forget that coffee you promised me" is enough.. People around her won't react like: "that creep is asking her on a date!" its just a coffee..



 

Face the future.. Gamecenter ID: nikkom_nl (oh no he didn't!!) 

NiKKoM said:
10 bucks on when he tries plan B, getting 6 to 8 not too nerdy people, male and female, sets a day, spends the money on the social thing and invites her and a friend of her to it.. She says no cause she has already something else to do that day..

By now i would have probably brought coffee to her and say: "so we still hadn't have that coffee so the coffee comes to you but next time its on you.." .. Anyway it doesn't really matter if she's in a group or not.. Just saying: "don't forget that coffee you promised me" is enough.. People around her won't react like: "that creep is asking her on a date!" its just a coffee..

Yeah you're right, I thought about that a bit after I posted it.

I guess it would only work if Khan goes out on social events often enough. Then it would be OK to invite her without it being a hassle if she says no because the goal of the event wasn't just her and there would be a next time soon. If plan B is also going to take forever then we're back at square one.

In any case, we agree on the group thing. Shouldn't be problem as long as it's not an ackward exchange.



No troll is too much for me to handle. I rehabilitate trolls, I train people. I am the Troll Whisperer.