That could actually fit some games, or game modes in some games. You don't want to kill many enemies or your level goes down. Kinda like in MGS where if you kill too many enemies you get a lower rank in the end, only this is with level. Ok maybe just in a game mode.

5 main characters. Their voices sound like Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron, Fred (Old YouTube), Mario, and Pee Wee Herman.

Nah, Maria Sharapova screams when attacking FTW.

Oh, I know what I don't want!  Ironically, a lot of it is stuff the industry has actually done.

Having crap internet, the big one for me is always-online DRM in single-player games.  So yeah, that should probably be one.  I don't know if the game is going to have multiplayer but it has to have a single-player mode which is always-online.  If your connection drops at any time, not only are you booted, but the game crashes and gives you an error message saying it needs to do a full reinstall and setup to make sure it's not pirated.

Oh, and the cutscene thing from before - the game has no quick-save feature, so the only saves it does are the ones right before each cutscene.  That way, there's no workaround to avoid them.

A third person shooter, 15-20 fps. But it's 1080p on every console so all fan boys will be happy!

Nevertheless it has slow, sloppy controls, you can't adjust sensitivity, no cover system (but enemies can cover for some reason). And it has super (I mean SUPER) linear stages, like the last level in Terminator Salvation if you have played that. Also the stages are repetitive.

You have little health, but if you learn the enemies, bad AI pattern it's ridiculously easy, and boring.

Many good (I mean bad :P) suggestions in this topic!

Person who sounds like Fred screams like Maria Sharapova.

Have any suggestions for multiplayer? Online and offline multiplayer!

Don't forget to lock the ending and make it a $20 DLC. Not necessarily the final boss fight. Just the ending.

Only an idiot would pay $20 to hear Justin Bieber music! Still adding it, It's a horrible/great idea! 

And a bonus unlockable character - in the form of DLC for just $2.99 - that looks (and moves) like Jabba the Hutt, and talks like Jar Jar Binks.

Multiplayer?  Hmm... not so much.  I'm more of a single-player kind of guy.  Like I said, crappy internet.

How about including a warning system that "helpfully" lets you know whenever you're lagging?  A feature that watches your ping and any time it starts to drop, a warning message pops up on your screen right in mid-play...

This feature, of course, can't be turned off, and you lose all control over your character whenever it happens, so if you're in a firefight and your ping drops, you can't move or do anything until you cancel the message off your screen.