is the dvd bent ? 

did you try to place the xbox vertically or horizontally ?

The universe is finally cursing you for all your terrible life decisions.

Just let it happen, Wright.

I've tried everything at this point xD

You need a new game, or used (another) game.

if I think of something else I will let you know. next time do a little more scratching it worked for me every time movies games etc. 

maybe all the babes got married :')

Probably. I'll go to the store to ask a refund and try to get a different copy of the game elsewhere!

Tried that already; the thing is, the game never updated (though I was prompted whenever I booted up the game, then turned the console off in a split of a second). I thought about corruption too, but it doesn't seem to be the case :/

Which also explains why this game was in such a good condition. Almost mint, and with a very few scratches, unlike the rest of the used games from the stores.

Anyways, thanks Kylie.

Did you warm the disc up? By looking at the box art, I think that it doesn't want to play with you unless you warm it up so it gets ready.

Never thought about it. Do you think I can turn it on by licking the middle hole of the DVD?

You know, like...a rim job?

try it without your hard drive attached