4 shots + 4 Raz-ber-Rita's
As I sit here playing Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze on the Wii U, I decided to make a thread about Nintendo's Cowardice. Why am I playing DKTF? Because three gamer's who I was supposed to do some online Trine 2 action with do not return my calls. So I am left playing a 2D side scroller on one of Nintendo's most powerful Systems of all time.
Is that a problem? No. Donkey Kong on the Wii U is a joy to behold and play. Barrel blasting is actually fun this time around instead of a chore that was given to me by one of my least favorite Nannies ( Baby sitters for our American readers). The extra hidden feature's in the levels along with the 3D parts really help to make this title shine!
By the way, I only beat the first level. But wait a second, let's go back to something I just said. What did I say? Laugh out loud! Not really, I only laughed in my head since everyone is asleep and it is close to 2 in the morning. I work nights so I am awake and ready to go! 3DDDD!!!
Why is Nintendo afraid to give it's fans what they want? What happened to open worlds? Even the over worlds had exploration in them back in the N64 days. Remember Super Mario 64?
See that above? Even the over world was an exciting place to be! You could spend hours just looking around and inside of the Castle. Then the worlds were just as fun and full of adventure and exploration. Which brings us to Super Mario 3D World below this.
You see that overworld? Dull and boring! About as fun as listening to your Mum tell you about the Religious book she poured over last week. Dull! Why is this like this? Do not get me wrong, the game is full of whimsical fun that will keep even the most ardent Playstation gamer entertained for hours. The levels and four player chaos that ensues is more than enough fun to get anyone to recommend this to an aquaintance. But is this what Nintendo gamer's, NAY, the world wants? This is a kiddie game, plain and simple. This is not trolling in the least. I have had little to no problems with any of the levels, and finding the Star takes no more than a one over to find them all. Can we even truly call this game...."3D"? If you consider Pokemon X/Y 3D, then I guess this is in 3D as well. Only just barely though. Where is, why is, who decided to go backwards with innovation and give us something that does not even meet Mario 64 standards? Have you read this far? I do not care, I will continue to type things that I believe to be true. Which leads me to ZELDA! That word will get some reader's attention. Remember Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask?
Look at that field! In every direction you can always count on one thing. There was going to be an adventure. Did we get that with Skyward Sword? Here is one of it's over world locations below.
Walls on each side! Sure, like The Wind Waker we had free reign to ...well we had to follow a set path in Wind Waker that was dictated by an annoying boat called The King of red lions or something, but at least we were free to do something. Like each island in Skyward sword, there was little to do once you got there. Dungeons are great, you feel a sense of pride once you beat one of them. I for one do not feel that because I am not smart enough to beat a dungeon without coming here for help or checking a guide on Gamefaq....gamewise! yes, Gamewise.co for clues as to how I am supposed to get to another area. Makes me feel depressed that I was smarter as a Brainwashed Christian youth than I am now. Where is the Adventure! All Nintendo puts us on now are clear cut paths. Sway from those paths and you will end up like the local drunk at any tavern on main street...you will go nowhere.
This all brings me back to Donkey Kong, and New Super Mario Bros Wii U, and countless other Nintendo titles as of late. They are so afraid to not make any money that they play it safe. 2D Donkey Kong, games with little to no internet, the latest Mario's along with his pal New Super Luigi U. These are all safe games. When we get something that even has the remote possibility of being interesting they destroy it. Star Fox 64 3D could have been really cool with just one extra feature added. Online! Duh! ( Little tidbit for those who care, the word "Duh" has been around since the 1800's! Yay)
Bring back the exploration Nintendo! You can still make games that will appeal to children and give us an actual adventure at the same time. Stop being afraid that you are not going to make any money, you are already doing a fine job of going broke as it is. Time to take a chance again.
Pokemon MMO, Mind blowing F-Zero, Metroid with Online FPS multiplayer for the casual gamer who just wants to get crazy and camp in their suit, Open world 3D freaking Mario!, Zelda....Don't Fuck with me!!! You know what we want for Crying out loud..ZELDA!
I hope you agree that Nintendo is like a scared child on the Streets of New Brunswick. All alone, no one to look after them, scared some pedophile is going to abduct them and bring them home to their trailer park and make them play endless hours of Canasta with'em before eating them alive. They are not willing to give us what we want anymore. Not because they are unwilling to or because they do not understand what it actually takes to make Nintendo amazing again, it is because they are afraid people will not buy their product. If it is not made for the casual gamer or a child they are afraid their games will not sell properly. So we get countless boring, but fun versions of their once classic games.
Fuck No Nintendo! Fuck NO! Give us back our Nintendo of old!
Bananaking was right, I was wrong. Like he always is. About the 3DS not selling at least 19.999 million in 2013...