attaboy said:
I'm a relatively attractive, athletic guy. I think I have a decent personality, a good job, my own place, etc. Anyway, my last relationship came to an end and I found myself dating a fat chick via online dating. I didn't know she was fat at first, mind you. She used all kinds of camera trickery or something. She was always behind other people when she sent full body shots, laying down, or whatever. When we finally met, I was trying my best not to be shallow and, to my surprise, wound up having a really good time with her! She's got a great personality, a great job, and a lot going for herself, as wll. She's not orca fat but there are times when I look at her and I just don't like what i see. I'm afraid of what would happen if my frieds see me with her. I have sex with the lights off and often from behind because she just doesn't look like I wish she would. In the end, I guess I'm a shallow guy because her physical appearance is keeping me from wanting to pursue this anymore. She's really nice, thoughtful, and sweet so I don't want to say, "Don't touch me, you fat, fat, fatty!"
Any advice?
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My best advice wold be to see if she's really willing to work on losing the weight first. My wife was pretty overweight before we met and decided herself to change her eating habits and lose the weight. She lost nearly 90lbs all on her own before we met, so it can be done. She's fluctuated a bit after having each of our two kids (never got close to her 'biggest' again), but I've always been able to get her to get heathy again without hurting her feelings. Wait for her to mention it again, then tell her 'let's do something about it, I want to help you get healthier, reach your goal, whatever'. Always approach it from the angle of health - heart disease and diabetes are very real risks for somebody who is actually 'obese'. Sit down and put a meal plan together based on something like the south beach diet and come up with creative ways to eat healthy food that actually tastes good. If you're together a lot, you have the distinct advantage of actually being in a position to motivate her to do something that maybe she hasn't known how to do on her own. If she makes a comment about wanting to start exercising, suggest making 2 dates per week be to the gym, then out to eat for a healthy, protein rich meal like a salad with grilled chicken and a low fat dressing, turkey burger without the bun and with a side salad, seasoned chicken breast with a vegetable side, etc. Maybe offer to cook some of the meals (teach yourself how to make a good tasting, healthy meal first), If you're doing it together, she'll want to do as good as you on the meal plans if she has any competitive nature at all.
