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10 Misunderstandings Alan Wake Has About Americans

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http://www.gamexplain.com/article-116-1276193351-10-misunderstandings-alan-wake-has-about-americans.html

Dear Remedy, 

My name is Schuyler and I live in California. I recently sent a letter to Sony Europe to inform them of some 'Americanisms' notably absent from their game, Heavy Rain. Some of your continental associates became unreasonably excited about it, so I thought I would try my luck with your company also. I have recently completed your game Alan Wake and have noticed a few points missing from your game which would complete the American experience. For your convenience, I have compiled and attached a list of ten.

1. Our batteries last longer than 6 seconds, even our Energizers.

2. Mr. Wake spends roughly two weeks on the Olympic Peninsula without rain. I assure you this is an impossiblity. For further reading, please see Stephanie Meyer (Just kidding, we hate her too).

3. We tend to coordinate our mouths with everything that comes out of them. I am told other nations do this, though I have never been to Finland.
 
4. Though Western Washingtonians and especially Seattlies love coffee, we rarely leave 100 thermoses of it in the wilderness. When we do, we don't usually drink it afterwards.
5. It's difficult to believe everyone knows a writer when they see one, as we don't read. Please see our newspaper industry, especially the Seattle PI.
 
6. New Yorkers are able to successfully tell good jokes. For further information, please see this man in New York who puts on a comedy show daily (a 'daily show' if you will) that is often a success.

7. Our FBI agents are like police, but higher up. This means they have to follow strict rules and rarely use their guns or drink on the job, or operate alone. Also, they tend to look like this:

8. While Washington drivers aren't the worst in the country, we don't crash our cars and block the roads when there is a looming threat we don't know about (unless you live near the retirement home in Issaquah).

9. Tornadoes are reserved for the parts of the country we don't really care about. Please type "Dust Bowl" into wikipedia.org for more information.

10. While we all have fat friends, we don't pay them to hang around and annoy us.

I hope this list helps you understand the nuances of our American culture and way of life, and if you would like help with some of these further 'Americanisms', I would be more than happy to assist you, and would consider as compensation a moment of your valuable time spent crossing your western border and telling as many Swedish girls as you can find about how wonderful I am.

Yours truly,
Schuyler Lystad (Please don't let the name fool you, I was born in Texas)
GameXplain.com
 
P.S. You did do a great deal of research about the Pacific Northwest region that was evident, so stay tuned tomorrow for a supplementary article "10 Things Remedy Knows About Washington State That You Don't."



Not a 360 fanboy, just a PS3 fanboy hater that likes putting them in their place ^.^

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Those were pretty funny.   Someone should post the Heavy Rain.  my work blocks that website for some reason



Pretty good but the Heavy Rain one is much better.



I'm molesting oxen now!



Alright list but for #7, Agent Nightengale is an ex-FBI officer claiming to be an FBI officer, therefore explaining his excessive use of force and drinking.



I'm a filmmaker, writer, and gamer. Add me on Xbox Live or message me!

XBL Gamertag: StraitupBeastin

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RSEagle said:

Alright list but for #7, Agent Nightengale is an ex-FBI officer claiming to be an FBI officer, therefore explaining his excessive use of force and drinking.


Wait, what?  Really?  I completely missed that?

Why was he even there in the first place?



RSEagle said:

Alright list but for #7, Agent Nightengale is an ex-FBI officer claiming to be an FBI officer, therefore explaining his excessive use of force and drinking.


where exactly did you find out about this? 

i missed some of the manuscripts. it must have been mentioned in there somewhere. 



Not a 360 fanboy, just a PS3 fanboy hater that likes putting them in their place ^.^

http://alanwake.wikia.com/wiki/Agent_Nightingale

It's kind of alluded to in the manuscripts, but is stated clearly in the Alan Wake Files.

"Nightingale lost a partner on the job, which is possibly the reason why he has resorted to drinking. His depression and drinking led to his discharge from the FBI."



I'm a filmmaker, writer, and gamer. Add me on Xbox Live or message me!

XBL Gamertag: StraitupBeastin

win list is win.



PS One/2/p/3slim/Vita owner. I survived the Apocalyps3/Collaps3 and all I got was this lousy signature.


Xbox One: What are you doing Dave?

i only found number three to be amusing. 



"I like my steaks how i like my women.  Bloody and all over my face"

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MrBubbles Review Threads: Bill Gates, Jak II, Kingdom Hearts II, The Strangers, Sly 2, Crackdown, Zohan, Quarantine, Klungo Sssavesss Teh World, MS@E3'08, WATCHMEN(movie), Shadow of the Colossus, The Saboteur