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Ten simple rules to become a good soldier in the console wars

Forums - Gaming Discussion - Ten simple rules to become a good soldier in the console wars

Video game forums are a great place to stir up trouble. The most efficient way is to rile people up by making blatantly biased statements. In order to do this in the most believable way, you should take the following ten simple rules as a guideline.

1. Pick a company - There are three options: Nintendo, Microsoft and Sony. Choose wisely, because you will be stuck with that company until the next generation begins. Until then, give it all you got.

2. Do not question the authority of your leaders - Whichever company you pick, their word is law. Animal Crossing is a core game, Forza 3 is the definitive racing game of this generation and the PlayStation 3 is on a ten year plan.

3. Declare the superiority of your company at all times - Whether this is about starting a new topic praising the next exclusive game as the second coming, posting positive news from credible sources and random blogs or mentioning how awesome your console is in a totally unrelated thread, it is your job to show who's the boss.

4. Reveal the truth about the competition - The consoles of the other two companies suck, that's a fact. It should become a daily routine to search the web for negative articles and post it on the forum. Hit and run posting is a preferable tactic, because there's the old saying "Don't shoot the messenger."

5. Forget about apples and oranges, cherries are the way to go - A regularly occuring problem is that data doesn't necessarily show what you want it to show. By cherrypicking examples you can set up pretty good arguments.

6. The plural of anecdote is data - You know people who don't play their Wiis, whose 360s break all the time or who only use their PS3 to watch Blu-ray movies? What reasons are there to believe that this doesn't apply to the gaming population at large? Exactly, none.

7. Develop a resistance against facts, logic and common sense - At times it happens that you get into a debate with intelligent people. They will provide data, statistics and analysis that may go against the reality you tried so hard to establish. Don't let these things irritate you, just write them off as propaganda or fanboy gibberish because those people simply can't face the cold, hard truth.

8. Double standards and hypocrisy are nothing to be ashamed about - Cinematic gaming sucks but Metroid: Other M rocks. Moving your arms around while playing video games is stupid, but Natal is going to be awesome. Nintendo games are cartoony and kiddie, but LittleBigPlanet and Ratchet & Clank kick ass.

9. Just because you get proved wrong doesn't mean that you can't use the same exact argument again in another thread - Because why should you use your brain and come up with something new if the same old stuff gets another dozen people angry and makes them argue against you?

10. Convince other gamers to join the army of your company - Some people just don't know what's the best for them. It's your mission to explain them why all the things you do would also be good for them. Tell them that it will give their life a purpose and then show them these ten simple rules to become a good soldier in the console wars too.



Legend11 correctly predicted that GTA IV (360+PS3) would outsell SSBB. I was wrong.

A Biased Review Reloaded / Open Your Eyes / Switch Gamers Club

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Hmm, what if you are currently applied to dual citizenship?

Do I have to pick one army?



 

Great list



 

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Acevil said:

Hmm, what if you are currently applied to dual citizenship?

Do I have to pick one army?

One army is preferable, but if you work hard enough, you can still be of good use. The remaining company is of course the devil and possibly a threat to gaming itself.



Legend11 correctly predicted that GTA IV (360+PS3) would outsell SSBB. I was wrong.

A Biased Review Reloaded / Open Your Eyes / Switch Gamers Club

By the sounds of this I'm just a mercenary. I only fight when epic games are coming out.



 Tag (Courtesy of Fkusumot) "If I'm posting in this thread then it's probally a spam thread."                               

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I'm a firm believer that games like Animal Crossing is the wave of true next gen gaming because the direction Nintendo takes has always been the right one in that they always yielded profits which is the best thing for their investors and in turn holds the best public image along with their family friendly games.

The company that's able to have constant green revenue will remain the prime company unlike the Xbox or the Playstation competitors where they've been yielding negative figures for years and are resorted to yearly figures instead of overall figures.

We all know by now that Mario Kart Wii will outsell GT5 this generation and garbage wanna be games like Forza 3 will never even have a chance, arcade racing reigns supreme compared to those petty racing sims that try to grab the casuals by introducing hundreds to almost a thousand cars that most people don't even care about with their mouth running wild about how many cycles of physics can be done only results in bullet cars sending others flying 100 feet in the air with much less fun factor and in result much frustration in the game play department.

We also know for a fact that the IR pointer is much more precious as an aiming device for shooters compared to the shit that is dual analog, and because of the obvious superiority of the powerful Wiimote IR input, a copy cat company called Sony can't resist but to follow suit like the dog it is with it's tail between the legs, admitting to submission.

Fuck, I'm being a little too logical and now it sounds shitty, OK I give up, I'm not very good at being blind and into console wars =(.



"The plural of anecdote is data"




 

Gotta love those cherries.



sadly, we see all of that on every forum. isn't really a joke anymore.



I think i'm just going to be the switzerland of the console wars, i'll stay neutral :D



no idea how to make this properly work