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Machiavellian said:

Why would you need to go to such extremes when the oldest profession is available since man and woman walked this earth.  If you find a young adult exhibiting the symptoms you stated, you just buy him some ass, case close.  Back when I was young you had to fight to get to that magic box, these days you basically just have to show up.

While I don't agree with your solution, it does nonetheless present an interesting question that I'm afraid you'll have to ask them because I don't know the answer.

I mean I guess because then they'd be "MTGOWs" and nobody would pity them anymore or...something like that, probably.