My internet provider has made a deal with Microsoft and Valve to have unlimited downloads here in Australia on their services. (Sony and Nintendo haven't bothered to make the effort.)
And yes, you can download on a PC in a "suspended" mode.
I used to let my Xbox One do updates whenever it wanted, unfortunately by doing so it does consume bandwidth... And being a power user where I may be hosting games, uploading, downloading, streaming, remote accessing... It's inconvenient when I needed that bandwidth at a certain time. - I would like a "Check for updates" button on my Xbox to check for all Game+DLC+OS updates at once, would make things more convenient as I can do it when I want.
At the moment I have almost 16 Games/updates in que on my Xbox One, probably a good 100Gb+
Steam allows you to set your own time and date to automatically check and download updates.
Still, the fact of the matter is... Consoles are no longer convenient plug and play devices like they used to be, even install times can take a few hours with some games and they can be a buggy unplayable mess on release.
Sounds like you bought an XBO, not a PS4.
Everything is more or less user setable for automated downloads, installations and updates on the PS4. Again, I can't even recall the last time I actually had to wait to play any game on the PS4 due to updates; they take place when I'm away or asleep. Also, installations on the PS4 are much faster than on the XBO due to the preloading code that allows the user to play most disc based games as they are installing.
As for Steam, again, you have to leave Steam running in the background to do automatic or scheduled updates. If I played games on the PC every day, I probably wouldn't mind, but it's a rarity these days.